Before this experience, I used to think that death was the most dreadful thing a person could ever face, but I realized that there's something far more scary than death. From afar, death is indeed scary because most of what we know and understand about death is based on imagination and not actual experience and understanding.

When this picture was taken, I was unable to stand on my own or walk. I had just lost one lung and was having a hard time breathing, laughing, and talking for long periods. My heart was weak, and my liver and kidneys were struggling. There was very little hope for my recovery and survival. Many who had seen me sick had lost hope, including those on my medical team.

At first, I was scared of what would happen when I died, and I imagined every possible scenario my mind could fetch until there was nothing more to imagine. Then I started imagining how my death would affect those close to me and those who knew me. I also thought about everything I had done in my life and everything I had hoped to do but hadn't managed to do. I imagined how it would be like meeting everyone I had known who had died already and how it would be like to meet God and Jesus and all the great people of God I had read about in the Bible.

After all this thinking, I realized that life is made up of everything you're connected to, everyone you're connected to, and everything that has ever mattered to you, including everything you've owned and achieved. I then realized that before dying, you have to accept letting go of everything, which is indeed the hardest part of dying.

The most painful part of that experience was starting the process of letting go of everything and everyone I had ever known and everything that ever mattered to me. With each person who came to visit, I was bidding goodbye in my heart, and I didn't want them to come see me again after letting them go like that. For the first time, I understood why many sick people don't want visitors.

After that process was done, I wasn’t scared anymore and I was ready to die, but then I didn’t and eventually I got frustrated and angry that I was not dying. That experience changes a lot about how I see everything in life.
What was scarier however was what happened a few months after this picture was taken, when I had been discharged and I was at home. I started losing my memory, trust me! That’s the scariest thing more than death.
Being alive but not being able to remember everyone around you, not being able to remember the language that’s being used on you and by people around you. Not being able to remember your own name, where you are and what everything around you is and what happening.

From that I learnt that your very existence and your sanity in this very moment of your life and any other moment of your life is in your memories and without then you are as good as dead. In fact, in each and every moment you are in existence there is a part of you that remembers everything that has ever been recorded by your mind, that takes what needed in every moment of your consciousness and uses it to make connect with your environment in real time and understand that you are alive and part of this world and for everything to make sense to you, moment by moment. I have no better way of explaining this at this point but it makes a lot of sense to me. The bottom line however is that without memory, you can’t relate with any reality around you. That was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I don’t fear death because I know without doubt that when I die I’m going to meet God and Christ and I’m in safe hands.
It’s been six years since this happened and I still don’t have most of my childhood memories but they have been coming gradually. There are a lot of people I have known my entire life whose names I don’t remember, friends and relatives included and when I meet them I can’t tell them I can’t remember their name; I only start picking later as they continue talking or after days of seeing them. What I have vivid memories of are events that took place from this time of these experiences to date and everyone who stood by me in this dark time.

The toughest thing about this experience is the fact that before all this happened I had massive video memory. However, despite all this, I’m grateful to God and I owe my life to Him and to Jesus Christ who has made my life possible. So when you see me happy, just know, I have no reason to be unhappy, I have got this peace and joy I can’t explain.