Have you ever been dry emotionally? Or worse, have you been heartbroken and turned to a fellow Christian hoping for compassion, empathy, some word of substance…something deep? And, instead, the person made light of your situation or said one of the thousands of empty phrases many have been trained to say?

“Be blessed and highly favored, brother!” “Chin up!” “Shake it off!”

“Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather, and like vinegar on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” (Proverb 25:20)

How would you feel emotionally if it was VERY cold outside and someone took your coat? In addition to being physically cold, you would feel rejected or neglected because you NEEDED that coat and someone took what you needed.

When a person is experiencing a heavy heart, he needs something.

That is the ultimate beginning of that person’s emotional heaviness.

Something is lacking.

What he does NOT need is some superficial thing like someone singing to him, telling a silly joke or some other shallow act. That would be “like vinegar on soda” – which causes a fizzing sensation and then evaporates.

Going on autopilot and doing or saying something superficial and shallow in reaction to a person in real emotional pain is actually worse than doing nothing. To a hurting person it is like we are dismissing their pain…minimizing it. Because when we do that, we are making light of it.

If we even notice the pain of another and try to do something to help we often feel like we have to say or so something. This might not be what the person needs.

The hurtful things satan brings into the lives of people cause them to withdraw from one another. His goal, it seems, is to isolate us all.

“…one who sings songs to a heavy heart” more likely than not causes the one with a heavy heart to feel even more alone.

So, what CAN we do?

Let’s ask the Lord what the other person needs…and, if they can think of what they need, simply do or say that.

Many people just need to know that we notice their pain and are praying for them and, PLEASE, let’s actually pray for them and not just say it and go on without really praying. I’ve learned to offer to pray right there and then. It seems to communicate that they matter and are not alone.

The most effective thing I have seen…is to simply offer to sit with the person while saying and doing NOTHING. I call this the “Ministry of Presence”. To be truly present with a person is respectful and personal and it counters the devil’s efforts to divide us in our times of heart heaviness. It’s very hard to feel alone when we feel the warmth of the shoulder of a caring friend or stranger next to us.

“Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather, and like vinegar on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” (Proverb 25:20)

Let’s not do this. Let's not take coats from people when they are "cold" (the literal translation of that word "heavy" in that verse.)

Let’s, instead, love our neighbor by seeking God to find out what he or she needs…and supplying that if possible. When we do that, we will be loving God too. (Mark 12:30-31)

Amen.