Good morning to everyone. Grace and peace be with you.
I have noticed that when someone dies, there is a mixed emotion stream that permeates our thoughts. There is no set rule, way, or order, and sometimes it is all at once. I believe this to be tenfold higher if you were the caregiver in the last days. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with these emotions; I am simply stating that in my witness and now my opinion, this is the case.
So first … initial shock. Usually occurs as quickly as in a millisecond of the news, then switching to sadness of the loss just as quickly. If you are a caregiver, then a wave of relief comes, where you are no longer tied to them for their safety. In the realm of that thought … guilt. How can you think like that? You are a monster for feeling like that? Straight back to sadness. Then anger for having all these feelings, and you are the strong one in the family. Back to guilt of how you could have done better, how you could not have lost your temper as often, how you could have prevented it? And so on. This is a merry-go-round that does not seem to have a stop button. Especially in the first few days. But now the speed gets a little faster. You start talking about all the good things and the memories. You are laughing and remembering well … a simple wave of sadness comes over you, added with guilt for being happy in a time of grief. The cycle continues.
I lost my first daughter when she was only 5 months old, over thirty years ago. I still get those waves of emotions. Not as intense, but especially when I lose another family member. Knowing that they will get to hold her for the first time and I cannot take a video or a picture of it.
Going through the pictures yesterday and then the funeral home paperwork brought back some memories. And…through the next few days of preparation and completion, floods upon floods of mixed emotions will pound each member of the family. Knowing this, each wave will bring forth magnified attitudes that need to be met with love, compassion, and understanding.
As we were completing one of the many steps before us, I gained a new respect for my mother-in-law, who passed in November of 2002. She had everything written out. She had all the names of the family (up to her death) listed. She made sure that all the financials were tended to. Thus, making the processing of arrangements so much easier. I know that in many ways, my own mother has a lot of these items taken care of as well. As I look at it, our parents’ last caring moment in their life was to take care of us one last time in the physical, by taking care of the end-of-life stress while they were still here. That is love.
Last night, I began editing the old hard copy of the first book I ever wrote and published, so that I could republish. In this book, I discuss my mother-in-law's passing. It is a kind of autobiography of sorts. Flashbacks came in swoops of nostalgia. I used to think she was morbid for always wanting to discuss the end of her life events … today I am most grateful that she did. She taught me a lot and actually those talks forced me to have those conversations with my own mom. Which helped when she got sick.
Death is a part of life. Yes we are saddened when a loved one leaves us, because we can no longer pull up in the drive for a hug or a conversation in person. We can no longer pick up the phone and just say hello. We can no longer seek their advice for the moment we are having. We have to rely on what they taught us. I have been blessed to have been educated by some of the best boomer and silent generation that ever walked this earth.
The next few days will not be easy on the emotional roller coaster. I presume that anger and frustration will overpower sadness, but the key to survival…is love. Unconditional love. That is the power that He has instilled in us. That is the power that will give us the strength to persevere. That is the power to guide us through the tilt a while of grief. Love is the answer to everything.
Be blessed today my friends.
***Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4
I have noticed that when someone dies, there is a mixed emotion stream that permeates our thoughts. There is no set rule, way, or order, and sometimes it is all at once. I believe this to be tenfold higher if you were the caregiver in the last days. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with these emotions; I am simply stating that in my witness and now my opinion, this is the case.
So first … initial shock. Usually occurs as quickly as in a millisecond of the news, then switching to sadness of the loss just as quickly. If you are a caregiver, then a wave of relief comes, where you are no longer tied to them for their safety. In the realm of that thought … guilt. How can you think like that? You are a monster for feeling like that? Straight back to sadness. Then anger for having all these feelings, and you are the strong one in the family. Back to guilt of how you could have done better, how you could not have lost your temper as often, how you could have prevented it? And so on. This is a merry-go-round that does not seem to have a stop button. Especially in the first few days. But now the speed gets a little faster. You start talking about all the good things and the memories. You are laughing and remembering well … a simple wave of sadness comes over you, added with guilt for being happy in a time of grief. The cycle continues.
I lost my first daughter when she was only 5 months old, over thirty years ago. I still get those waves of emotions. Not as intense, but especially when I lose another family member. Knowing that they will get to hold her for the first time and I cannot take a video or a picture of it.
Going through the pictures yesterday and then the funeral home paperwork brought back some memories. And…through the next few days of preparation and completion, floods upon floods of mixed emotions will pound each member of the family. Knowing this, each wave will bring forth magnified attitudes that need to be met with love, compassion, and understanding.
As we were completing one of the many steps before us, I gained a new respect for my mother-in-law, who passed in November of 2002. She had everything written out. She had all the names of the family (up to her death) listed. She made sure that all the financials were tended to. Thus, making the processing of arrangements so much easier. I know that in many ways, my own mother has a lot of these items taken care of as well. As I look at it, our parents’ last caring moment in their life was to take care of us one last time in the physical, by taking care of the end-of-life stress while they were still here. That is love.
Last night, I began editing the old hard copy of the first book I ever wrote and published, so that I could republish. In this book, I discuss my mother-in-law's passing. It is a kind of autobiography of sorts. Flashbacks came in swoops of nostalgia. I used to think she was morbid for always wanting to discuss the end of her life events … today I am most grateful that she did. She taught me a lot and actually those talks forced me to have those conversations with my own mom. Which helped when she got sick.
Death is a part of life. Yes we are saddened when a loved one leaves us, because we can no longer pull up in the drive for a hug or a conversation in person. We can no longer pick up the phone and just say hello. We can no longer seek their advice for the moment we are having. We have to rely on what they taught us. I have been blessed to have been educated by some of the best boomer and silent generation that ever walked this earth.
The next few days will not be easy on the emotional roller coaster. I presume that anger and frustration will overpower sadness, but the key to survival…is love. Unconditional love. That is the power that He has instilled in us. That is the power that will give us the strength to persevere. That is the power to guide us through the tilt a while of grief. Love is the answer to everything.
Be blessed today my friends.
***Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4
Good morning to everyone. Grace and peace be with you.
I have noticed that when someone dies, there is a mixed emotion stream that permeates our thoughts. There is no set rule, way, or order, and sometimes it is all at once. I believe this to be tenfold higher if you were the caregiver in the last days. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with these emotions; I am simply stating that in my witness and now my opinion, this is the case.
So first … initial shock. Usually occurs as quickly as in a millisecond of the news, then switching to sadness of the loss just as quickly. If you are a caregiver, then a wave of relief comes, where you are no longer tied to them for their safety. In the realm of that thought … guilt. How can you think like that? You are a monster for feeling like that? Straight back to sadness. Then anger for having all these feelings, and you are the strong one in the family. Back to guilt of how you could have done better, how you could not have lost your temper as often, how you could have prevented it? And so on. This is a merry-go-round that does not seem to have a stop button. Especially in the first few days. But now the speed gets a little faster. You start talking about all the good things and the memories. You are laughing and remembering well … a simple wave of sadness comes over you, added with guilt for being happy in a time of grief. The cycle continues.
I lost my first daughter when she was only 5 months old, over thirty years ago. I still get those waves of emotions. Not as intense, but especially when I lose another family member. Knowing that they will get to hold her for the first time and I cannot take a video or a picture of it.
Going through the pictures yesterday and then the funeral home paperwork brought back some memories. And…through the next few days of preparation and completion, floods upon floods of mixed emotions will pound each member of the family. Knowing this, each wave will bring forth magnified attitudes that need to be met with love, compassion, and understanding.
As we were completing one of the many steps before us, I gained a new respect for my mother-in-law, who passed in November of 2002. She had everything written out. She had all the names of the family (up to her death) listed. She made sure that all the financials were tended to. Thus, making the processing of arrangements so much easier. I know that in many ways, my own mother has a lot of these items taken care of as well. As I look at it, our parents’ last caring moment in their life was to take care of us one last time in the physical, by taking care of the end-of-life stress while they were still here. That is love.
Last night, I began editing the old hard copy of the first book I ever wrote and published, so that I could republish. In this book, I discuss my mother-in-law's passing. It is a kind of autobiography of sorts. Flashbacks came in swoops of nostalgia. I used to think she was morbid for always wanting to discuss the end of her life events … today I am most grateful that she did. She taught me a lot and actually those talks forced me to have those conversations with my own mom. Which helped when she got sick.
Death is a part of life. Yes we are saddened when a loved one leaves us, because we can no longer pull up in the drive for a hug or a conversation in person. We can no longer pick up the phone and just say hello. We can no longer seek their advice for the moment we are having. We have to rely on what they taught us. I have been blessed to have been educated by some of the best boomer and silent generation that ever walked this earth.
The next few days will not be easy on the emotional roller coaster. I presume that anger and frustration will overpower sadness, but the key to survival…is love. Unconditional love. That is the power that He has instilled in us. That is the power that will give us the strength to persevere. That is the power to guide us through the tilt a while of grief. Love is the answer to everything.
Be blessed today my friends.
***Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4
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