I had a still birth in October. I labored her for 2 days when I could finally hold her at exactly 3a.m 10/29/26. Her name is Joy. I was almost 6 months pregnant. The pain and grief and the entire weeks following were heavy with care and love and support as well as funeral arrangements conversations with my little ones grieving with them answering their questions. I have been through some hard stuff. Very hard. This was the hardest, it is a bitter sweet sadness. Because although I miss her and being pregnant, I know God is in control that God did this out of love. He chose Me to carry baby Joy for her short time here. Its an honor and privilege.
Ever since losing my baby girl God has done an amazing work inside me. I will never be the same and all for his glory. I need to share that his peace truly foes pass understanding! That we really cant lean onto ours, but into him. He has given me vision, and a plethora of wisdom that words cant reveal, only actions can prove. Oh how i wanted baby Joy. To nurture and teach to love and protect. She is in much better arms than my own. Ibalod on the ultrasound table screaming "Why God why did you give her to me just to take her from me" so yes in a very huge emotional outburst where the entire office heard me...i asked him why. It was only moments away that i took his peace and said "im sorry, i trust you, it just hurts". I praise God for that strength. That i was obly mad for a quick moment and didnt stay there as i easily could have. From that moment on I sat back and watched the beauty of his love surround me through doctors and nurses, family and friends, my entire church overwhelmed me with love and compassion. My phone was non stop so many people wanted to show up and comfort me and be near me it was hard tonprocess and overwhelmed me a little. My aunt Melissa really really wanted to be the day itnahopened all through it and i kept telling her "thanks aunty butyou dont want to be here Im a mess i dont want to burden you with see her body etc." I remember the Lord speaking to me something so important. After Joy came and i held her, my Aunty and Dad did come to see us. While she was hugging me i heard inside of me "This is from me, let them love you, it is me loving you, hugging you, carrying you". And i squeezed her so tight and every hug after her I lingered in on. Every word of encouragement i honed in on very intently wanting all God had to offer me. These people truly have no idea the impact they made for Christ in my life those days. Its now mid January and I am brand new. Never the same. I see everything different i walk and talk different. I BREATHE different. God has already done so much in my life, and now this. The constant download of wisdom which transforms me. GLORY BE TO GOD. This post is long and all over the place. I dont know why I ended up on here this morning urged to share this with you. But thank you for reading. And thank God in advance for whatever he does with this simply honest snip of my testimony. Bless you all.