My Pastor keeps talking about the blessings and rewards we should be seeking HERE and now. This has become a stumbling block for me. I NEED healing. I NEED a kidney transplant. I pray for these things with all my heart.

Pastor talks about building our faith and seeing ourselves with these blessings in order for them to be realized.

My issue is, when does it the desire for these things become more important than my highest desire of coming closer to Christ and Serving HIM? I worry a lot about that.

It has never been in my nature to expect any rewards for my good deeds. I do them because I WANT to. Always have. I've done things for people they don't even realize I've done them. I did them not for glory for myself. I did them because that was the RIGHT thing to do and what Christ would have done.

So, expecting these blessings is hard for me. Something I really struggle with.

God Bless.