JAMES 1
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted of God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man.
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.
15 Then, when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
DOWNHILL IN THE USA
I was involved in website ministry and, through a mutual friend, I was introduced to a so-called lady pastor.
This should have been a red flag, but I was entranced by this woman. She had me listening to preachers like Rodney Howard-Browne and Joyce Meyer, and I was being led astray.
This was in 2004, and my mum was getting worse as she suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.
Now, let me be honest: I blame no one but myself. I thought of nothing but myself, and I was led away by my own greed and selfishness.
So, in late 2004, I left my mum and travelled to America, where I foolishly married this woman. To this day, she was not a true pastor. She followed prosperity preachers, smoked fifty cigarettes a day, slept with three dogs on her bed, and had one violent son and another whose girlfriend struggled with crack addiction.
I do not wish to dwell too much on this period of my life. Instead, let it serve as a warning to anyone who wants to depart from the true and holy will of God.
The cost to me was terrible. I never saw my mother again, I lost the respect of my family, I left my church, and I nearly lost my faith.
Thankfully, I was able to leave that situation. Many may say this was wrong, but it was an abusive and violent marriage.
I travelled across the USA to my brother’s home in Canada, where I stayed for four months before returning to the UK.
He owned many acres of land, and during my time there I was able to restore my relationship with him and his wife, and most importantly, with the Lord.
This is a time I bitterly regret, yet thankfully the Lord has completely restored me.
Devotional Thought
Being outside of God’s will is the worst place to be. You need to be right in the centre of God’s will; anywhere else, you are at the mercy of the devil.
As you read my story, you will see a pattern: my disobedience and rebellion contrasted with God’s grace. This is something I am deeply ashamed of, but I write it as a warning.
God is very patient with all of us. We do not deserve His grace and mercy. All of us — and I most of all — have made foolish decisions that have cost us fellowship with family, friends, and most importantly, with God.
My time in America was a sobering experience. God preserved me, and I am grateful that He did and that restoration was complete.
Please, if you are reading this, do not wander from God’s ways. Doing so nearly cost me my life.
CHAPTER 14
SURPRISED BY HELEN
Psalm 18:30
“As for God, His way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in Him.”
I returned to the UK in July 2007 with my tail between my legs. I managed to get a room in a house not far from Heysham Church. They had a new pastor, one who became my mentor, dear Pastor Mark.
The first Sunday I returned, I did not go into the service. I stayed outside. People looked at me, and their eyes seemed to say, “We told you so.” Indeed, some verbalised their thoughts. To be honest, I deserved it.
So there I was again, trying to find a job, but at least I was spiritually settled. After three years, I managed to get a small flat of my own in central Morecambe. It was tiny — the kitchen was probably the smallest on the planet.
It was not really suitable. My family suggested that I go on sick leave because of depression, but that was not a good option, nor one I should have taken. I wanted to work. I attended job clubs, wrote applications, and went to interviews, but refusal after refusal left me discouraged. Why?
In 2011, my spiritual life was flourishing. I enjoyed such sweet fellowship with the Lord. Hour after hour was spent in prayer and devotion, and it was a precious time. The Lord spoke very clearly.
I was also able to write, and people appreciated the devotions. During that summer, I had an internet relationship with a lady who eventually only wanted money. I was fed up.
“Lord, I want no more relationships, and certainly not an internet one.”
The Lord had been waiting for me to say this. Now, so to speak, He had carte blanche — a clean page. At last, Keith had stepped out of the way.
In early summer 2011, I decided to change an old Hotmail account to Gmail. After all, it was better, and I only had about ten people on Hotmail anyway. There was one email containing a few contacts, so I wrote to tell them I was closing the account. I also shared our church’s free website.
The next day, I noticed the website had received hits from Nanjing, China. “Wow,” I thought, “it has reached China!”
In my inbox was an email from a lady in China. She thanked me for the website and said we shared the same beliefs. “Wonderful,” I thought, “a Chinese friend.”
So we began emailing one another. I discovered she was a schoolteacher called Helen — my favourite name — and she had a teenage daughter. In one of her first emails, she said she thought I was a woman, which may explain why she contacted me in the first place!
She later went on holiday with her parents and daughter, and I did not hear from her for a while. But then she contacted me again. This time, she wanted to talk on Skype so we could see each other.
“If you don’t get Skype, I won’t talk to you again,” she said.
I had not downloaded Skype yet, but I soon did.
Anyway, we began talking online. She was kind, and we both enjoyed chatting together. Her daughter was shy in those days, and all I ever saw was a hand waving at the camera.
During the autumn, we grew closer and closer. I felt a real connection with her. We started praying together, and despite the time difference, she would call me regularly.
We also began sending letters to each other. Those letters were — and still are — very precious to us. Things were moving quickly, but could this really be the one for me? After all, Helen was in China and I was in Morecambe. I had only just managed to get a static caravan and was busy furnishing it with a sofa bed, a new boiler, a fridge, and other essentials. Surely not.
But God had His hand upon us, and in the next chapter we will see how He unfolded His plan.
Devotional Thought
We all want to control things — especially me. I had tried for years to find a Christian wife. After all, everyone else seemed to be getting married, so why not me?
Sometimes we simply need to step out of the way. God is very patient. He waited for me to surrender, and then He gave me Helen.
I had already tried to do things my own way and had fallen flat on my face. But once I moved aside, God was able to work.
In China, many Christian parents become anxious if their children reach the age of twenty-five without being married. As many families only have one child, grandchildren are often seen as a great blessing and a sign of honour. Sadly, some people try to force matters instead of trusting God’s timing.
Christian friend, you also need to step out of the way. Only when you give God control of your situation — especially regarding marriage — can His perfect will be accomplished.
It is difficult when everyone else in your church seems to be getting married while you remain single. But God’s timing is perfect, and His choice is always best.
I am so grateful that He gave me the wonderful gift of the best wife in the world, together with a beautiful daughter and son.
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted of God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man.
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.
15 Then, when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
DOWNHILL IN THE USA
I was involved in website ministry and, through a mutual friend, I was introduced to a so-called lady pastor.
This should have been a red flag, but I was entranced by this woman. She had me listening to preachers like Rodney Howard-Browne and Joyce Meyer, and I was being led astray.
This was in 2004, and my mum was getting worse as she suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.
Now, let me be honest: I blame no one but myself. I thought of nothing but myself, and I was led away by my own greed and selfishness.
So, in late 2004, I left my mum and travelled to America, where I foolishly married this woman. To this day, she was not a true pastor. She followed prosperity preachers, smoked fifty cigarettes a day, slept with three dogs on her bed, and had one violent son and another whose girlfriend struggled with crack addiction.
I do not wish to dwell too much on this period of my life. Instead, let it serve as a warning to anyone who wants to depart from the true and holy will of God.
The cost to me was terrible. I never saw my mother again, I lost the respect of my family, I left my church, and I nearly lost my faith.
Thankfully, I was able to leave that situation. Many may say this was wrong, but it was an abusive and violent marriage.
I travelled across the USA to my brother’s home in Canada, where I stayed for four months before returning to the UK.
He owned many acres of land, and during my time there I was able to restore my relationship with him and his wife, and most importantly, with the Lord.
This is a time I bitterly regret, yet thankfully the Lord has completely restored me.
Devotional Thought
Being outside of God’s will is the worst place to be. You need to be right in the centre of God’s will; anywhere else, you are at the mercy of the devil.
As you read my story, you will see a pattern: my disobedience and rebellion contrasted with God’s grace. This is something I am deeply ashamed of, but I write it as a warning.
God is very patient with all of us. We do not deserve His grace and mercy. All of us — and I most of all — have made foolish decisions that have cost us fellowship with family, friends, and most importantly, with God.
My time in America was a sobering experience. God preserved me, and I am grateful that He did and that restoration was complete.
Please, if you are reading this, do not wander from God’s ways. Doing so nearly cost me my life.
CHAPTER 14
SURPRISED BY HELEN
Psalm 18:30
“As for God, His way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in Him.”
I returned to the UK in July 2007 with my tail between my legs. I managed to get a room in a house not far from Heysham Church. They had a new pastor, one who became my mentor, dear Pastor Mark.
The first Sunday I returned, I did not go into the service. I stayed outside. People looked at me, and their eyes seemed to say, “We told you so.” Indeed, some verbalised their thoughts. To be honest, I deserved it.
So there I was again, trying to find a job, but at least I was spiritually settled. After three years, I managed to get a small flat of my own in central Morecambe. It was tiny — the kitchen was probably the smallest on the planet.
It was not really suitable. My family suggested that I go on sick leave because of depression, but that was not a good option, nor one I should have taken. I wanted to work. I attended job clubs, wrote applications, and went to interviews, but refusal after refusal left me discouraged. Why?
In 2011, my spiritual life was flourishing. I enjoyed such sweet fellowship with the Lord. Hour after hour was spent in prayer and devotion, and it was a precious time. The Lord spoke very clearly.
I was also able to write, and people appreciated the devotions. During that summer, I had an internet relationship with a lady who eventually only wanted money. I was fed up.
“Lord, I want no more relationships, and certainly not an internet one.”
The Lord had been waiting for me to say this. Now, so to speak, He had carte blanche — a clean page. At last, Keith had stepped out of the way.
In early summer 2011, I decided to change an old Hotmail account to Gmail. After all, it was better, and I only had about ten people on Hotmail anyway. There was one email containing a few contacts, so I wrote to tell them I was closing the account. I also shared our church’s free website.
The next day, I noticed the website had received hits from Nanjing, China. “Wow,” I thought, “it has reached China!”
In my inbox was an email from a lady in China. She thanked me for the website and said we shared the same beliefs. “Wonderful,” I thought, “a Chinese friend.”
So we began emailing one another. I discovered she was a schoolteacher called Helen — my favourite name — and she had a teenage daughter. In one of her first emails, she said she thought I was a woman, which may explain why she contacted me in the first place!
She later went on holiday with her parents and daughter, and I did not hear from her for a while. But then she contacted me again. This time, she wanted to talk on Skype so we could see each other.
“If you don’t get Skype, I won’t talk to you again,” she said.
I had not downloaded Skype yet, but I soon did.
Anyway, we began talking online. She was kind, and we both enjoyed chatting together. Her daughter was shy in those days, and all I ever saw was a hand waving at the camera.
During the autumn, we grew closer and closer. I felt a real connection with her. We started praying together, and despite the time difference, she would call me regularly.
We also began sending letters to each other. Those letters were — and still are — very precious to us. Things were moving quickly, but could this really be the one for me? After all, Helen was in China and I was in Morecambe. I had only just managed to get a static caravan and was busy furnishing it with a sofa bed, a new boiler, a fridge, and other essentials. Surely not.
But God had His hand upon us, and in the next chapter we will see how He unfolded His plan.
Devotional Thought
We all want to control things — especially me. I had tried for years to find a Christian wife. After all, everyone else seemed to be getting married, so why not me?
Sometimes we simply need to step out of the way. God is very patient. He waited for me to surrender, and then He gave me Helen.
I had already tried to do things my own way and had fallen flat on my face. But once I moved aside, God was able to work.
In China, many Christian parents become anxious if their children reach the age of twenty-five without being married. As many families only have one child, grandchildren are often seen as a great blessing and a sign of honour. Sadly, some people try to force matters instead of trusting God’s timing.
Christian friend, you also need to step out of the way. Only when you give God control of your situation — especially regarding marriage — can His perfect will be accomplished.
It is difficult when everyone else in your church seems to be getting married while you remain single. But God’s timing is perfect, and His choice is always best.
I am so grateful that He gave me the wonderful gift of the best wife in the world, together with a beautiful daughter and son.
JAMES 1
13 Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted of God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man.
14 But every man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.
15 Then, when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
DOWNHILL IN THE USA
I was involved in website ministry and, through a mutual friend, I was introduced to a so-called lady pastor.
This should have been a red flag, but I was entranced by this woman. She had me listening to preachers like Rodney Howard-Browne and Joyce Meyer, and I was being led astray.
This was in 2004, and my mum was getting worse as she suffered from Alzheimer’s disease.
Now, let me be honest: I blame no one but myself. I thought of nothing but myself, and I was led away by my own greed and selfishness.
So, in late 2004, I left my mum and travelled to America, where I foolishly married this woman. To this day, she was not a true pastor. She followed prosperity preachers, smoked fifty cigarettes a day, slept with three dogs on her bed, and had one violent son and another whose girlfriend struggled with crack addiction.
I do not wish to dwell too much on this period of my life. Instead, let it serve as a warning to anyone who wants to depart from the true and holy will of God.
The cost to me was terrible. I never saw my mother again, I lost the respect of my family, I left my church, and I nearly lost my faith.
Thankfully, I was able to leave that situation. Many may say this was wrong, but it was an abusive and violent marriage.
I travelled across the USA to my brother’s home in Canada, where I stayed for four months before returning to the UK.
He owned many acres of land, and during my time there I was able to restore my relationship with him and his wife, and most importantly, with the Lord.
This is a time I bitterly regret, yet thankfully the Lord has completely restored me.
Devotional Thought
Being outside of God’s will is the worst place to be. You need to be right in the centre of God’s will; anywhere else, you are at the mercy of the devil.
As you read my story, you will see a pattern: my disobedience and rebellion contrasted with God’s grace. This is something I am deeply ashamed of, but I write it as a warning.
God is very patient with all of us. We do not deserve His grace and mercy. All of us — and I most of all — have made foolish decisions that have cost us fellowship with family, friends, and most importantly, with God.
My time in America was a sobering experience. God preserved me, and I am grateful that He did and that restoration was complete.
Please, if you are reading this, do not wander from God’s ways. Doing so nearly cost me my life.
CHAPTER 14
SURPRISED BY HELEN
Psalm 18:30
“As for God, His way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in Him.”
I returned to the UK in July 2007 with my tail between my legs. I managed to get a room in a house not far from Heysham Church. They had a new pastor, one who became my mentor, dear Pastor Mark.
The first Sunday I returned, I did not go into the service. I stayed outside. People looked at me, and their eyes seemed to say, “We told you so.” Indeed, some verbalised their thoughts. To be honest, I deserved it.
So there I was again, trying to find a job, but at least I was spiritually settled. After three years, I managed to get a small flat of my own in central Morecambe. It was tiny — the kitchen was probably the smallest on the planet.
It was not really suitable. My family suggested that I go on sick leave because of depression, but that was not a good option, nor one I should have taken. I wanted to work. I attended job clubs, wrote applications, and went to interviews, but refusal after refusal left me discouraged. Why?
In 2011, my spiritual life was flourishing. I enjoyed such sweet fellowship with the Lord. Hour after hour was spent in prayer and devotion, and it was a precious time. The Lord spoke very clearly.
I was also able to write, and people appreciated the devotions. During that summer, I had an internet relationship with a lady who eventually only wanted money. I was fed up.
“Lord, I want no more relationships, and certainly not an internet one.”
The Lord had been waiting for me to say this. Now, so to speak, He had carte blanche — a clean page. At last, Keith had stepped out of the way.
In early summer 2011, I decided to change an old Hotmail account to Gmail. After all, it was better, and I only had about ten people on Hotmail anyway. There was one email containing a few contacts, so I wrote to tell them I was closing the account. I also shared our church’s free website.
The next day, I noticed the website had received hits from Nanjing, China. “Wow,” I thought, “it has reached China!”
In my inbox was an email from a lady in China. She thanked me for the website and said we shared the same beliefs. “Wonderful,” I thought, “a Chinese friend.”
So we began emailing one another. I discovered she was a schoolteacher called Helen — my favourite name — and she had a teenage daughter. In one of her first emails, she said she thought I was a woman, which may explain why she contacted me in the first place!
She later went on holiday with her parents and daughter, and I did not hear from her for a while. But then she contacted me again. This time, she wanted to talk on Skype so we could see each other.
“If you don’t get Skype, I won’t talk to you again,” she said.
I had not downloaded Skype yet, but I soon did.
Anyway, we began talking online. She was kind, and we both enjoyed chatting together. Her daughter was shy in those days, and all I ever saw was a hand waving at the camera.
During the autumn, we grew closer and closer. I felt a real connection with her. We started praying together, and despite the time difference, she would call me regularly.
We also began sending letters to each other. Those letters were — and still are — very precious to us. Things were moving quickly, but could this really be the one for me? After all, Helen was in China and I was in Morecambe. I had only just managed to get a static caravan and was busy furnishing it with a sofa bed, a new boiler, a fridge, and other essentials. Surely not.
But God had His hand upon us, and in the next chapter we will see how He unfolded His plan.
Devotional Thought
We all want to control things — especially me. I had tried for years to find a Christian wife. After all, everyone else seemed to be getting married, so why not me?
Sometimes we simply need to step out of the way. God is very patient. He waited for me to surrender, and then He gave me Helen.
I had already tried to do things my own way and had fallen flat on my face. But once I moved aside, God was able to work.
In China, many Christian parents become anxious if their children reach the age of twenty-five without being married. As many families only have one child, grandchildren are often seen as a great blessing and a sign of honour. Sadly, some people try to force matters instead of trusting God’s timing.
Christian friend, you also need to step out of the way. Only when you give God control of your situation — especially regarding marriage — can His perfect will be accomplished.
It is difficult when everyone else in your church seems to be getting married while you remain single. But God’s timing is perfect, and His choice is always best.
I am so grateful that He gave me the wonderful gift of the best wife in the world, together with a beautiful daughter and son.
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