I have to share something with everyone because this has been weighing heavily on me for a while now.
For two and a half years, I stood by someone and supported him financially, emotionally, and practically because I believed in him. I genuinely wanted to see him succeed and become a better version of himself.
When he was struggling to find work and being turned down for the jobs he applied for, I created a new résumé for him. I designed business flyers for him, provided transportation, transported his tools, equipment and supplies, and introduced him to people who ultimately provided opportunities for him to earn money.
One of those people was a friend of mine who owns rental properties. I introduced them, and we began working together helping renovate her properties to sell. I was happy to help because I cared about him, believed in him, and thought we were building something together.
In February, we had an argument because he had become increasingly secretive, and I could feel that something wasn't right. I was upset and suspicious because of the changes I was seeing in his behavior.
Later, I learned that my instincts hadn't been unfounded. He had contacted his ex and had also connected with another woman through social media.
What makes it especially painful now is watching an opportunity that I helped create continue to benefit him while he is fully aware that I'm struggling. He now has his ex and the woman he met through social media helping him at those properties because he needs the help and they need the money.
My support went far beyond helping him find work. I put money into a vehicle of his that I know I will probably never see again. Two doors on my vehicle were damaged because of his negligence. I don't believe he intentionally damaged them, and he told me he would repair them, but I've had to accept that he probably never will. The inside of my vehicle was also scratched and damaged from repeatedly transporting his tools, equipment and supplies.
I didn't support him because I expected something in return every time I helped him. I supported him because I cared about him and believed in him. I encouraged him, supported his goals, helped him find opportunities and tried to help him build a better life. I wanted to see him succeed and become the person I believed he was capable of being.
What hurts when I look back is realizing how much time, energy, money and effort I put into helping him move forward while never feeling that same kind of effort being put into me. I wasn't expecting him to repay every favor or keep score. I simply wanted the same support, consideration and investment in my well-being that I was willing to give to his.
Alcohol is another part of this that concerns me. I never personally witnessed him drinking while working at these properties. What I did find were beer cans and other alcohol containers at the properties on days when I hadn't been there.
The possibility that alcohol was being consumed while working is especially concerning because I know firsthand how alcohol affected him. His tolerance was very low. After only a few drinks, he could become so intoxicated that he had difficulty even holding himself up. He knew I would never have accepted drinking on the job. Not because I was trying to control whether he drank, but because I believed it was unsafe and irresponsible to work in that condition, particularly while using tools and doing physical labor.
I also can't ignore the changes I saw after alcohol became part of his life again. I can't prove that alcohol caused those changes, and I'm not claiming that it did. But from my perspective, his return to drinking coincided with significant changes in his behavior, his priorities, and the way he treated me.
And that's ultimately the part that hurts the most.
It isn't just the money I'll probably never recover. It isn't the damage to my vehicle. It isn't the résumé, the flyers, the transportation, the equipment I hauled, or even watching other people benefit from an opportunity that I originally helped create.
It's realizing that the person I cared about and believed in for two and a half years isn't the person I see today.
I believed in him when I helped him find work. I believed in him when I created things to help him succeed. I believed in him when I introduced him to people who could give him opportunities. I believed in him when I spent my own time, money and energy trying to help him build a better life.
And while I was investing so much of myself into him, he was becoming secretive and forming connections with other women behind my back.
I don't regret caring about him. I don't regret believing in him. And I don't regret wanting better for him.
What I regret is giving so much of myself to someone who ultimately wasn't willing to put the same kind of effort into me. I wanted to see him succeed because his happiness and his future mattered to me. I just wish my happiness, my struggles and my future had mattered enough to him for him to invest in me the way I invested in him.
I wasn't wrong for noticing that something had changed.
I just wish my instincts hadn't been right.
For two and a half years, I stood by someone and supported him financially, emotionally, and practically because I believed in him. I genuinely wanted to see him succeed and become a better version of himself.
When he was struggling to find work and being turned down for the jobs he applied for, I created a new résumé for him. I designed business flyers for him, provided transportation, transported his tools, equipment and supplies, and introduced him to people who ultimately provided opportunities for him to earn money.
One of those people was a friend of mine who owns rental properties. I introduced them, and we began working together helping renovate her properties to sell. I was happy to help because I cared about him, believed in him, and thought we were building something together.
In February, we had an argument because he had become increasingly secretive, and I could feel that something wasn't right. I was upset and suspicious because of the changes I was seeing in his behavior.
Later, I learned that my instincts hadn't been unfounded. He had contacted his ex and had also connected with another woman through social media.
What makes it especially painful now is watching an opportunity that I helped create continue to benefit him while he is fully aware that I'm struggling. He now has his ex and the woman he met through social media helping him at those properties because he needs the help and they need the money.
My support went far beyond helping him find work. I put money into a vehicle of his that I know I will probably never see again. Two doors on my vehicle were damaged because of his negligence. I don't believe he intentionally damaged them, and he told me he would repair them, but I've had to accept that he probably never will. The inside of my vehicle was also scratched and damaged from repeatedly transporting his tools, equipment and supplies.
I didn't support him because I expected something in return every time I helped him. I supported him because I cared about him and believed in him. I encouraged him, supported his goals, helped him find opportunities and tried to help him build a better life. I wanted to see him succeed and become the person I believed he was capable of being.
What hurts when I look back is realizing how much time, energy, money and effort I put into helping him move forward while never feeling that same kind of effort being put into me. I wasn't expecting him to repay every favor or keep score. I simply wanted the same support, consideration and investment in my well-being that I was willing to give to his.
Alcohol is another part of this that concerns me. I never personally witnessed him drinking while working at these properties. What I did find were beer cans and other alcohol containers at the properties on days when I hadn't been there.
The possibility that alcohol was being consumed while working is especially concerning because I know firsthand how alcohol affected him. His tolerance was very low. After only a few drinks, he could become so intoxicated that he had difficulty even holding himself up. He knew I would never have accepted drinking on the job. Not because I was trying to control whether he drank, but because I believed it was unsafe and irresponsible to work in that condition, particularly while using tools and doing physical labor.
I also can't ignore the changes I saw after alcohol became part of his life again. I can't prove that alcohol caused those changes, and I'm not claiming that it did. But from my perspective, his return to drinking coincided with significant changes in his behavior, his priorities, and the way he treated me.
And that's ultimately the part that hurts the most.
It isn't just the money I'll probably never recover. It isn't the damage to my vehicle. It isn't the résumé, the flyers, the transportation, the equipment I hauled, or even watching other people benefit from an opportunity that I originally helped create.
It's realizing that the person I cared about and believed in for two and a half years isn't the person I see today.
I believed in him when I helped him find work. I believed in him when I created things to help him succeed. I believed in him when I introduced him to people who could give him opportunities. I believed in him when I spent my own time, money and energy trying to help him build a better life.
And while I was investing so much of myself into him, he was becoming secretive and forming connections with other women behind my back.
I don't regret caring about him. I don't regret believing in him. And I don't regret wanting better for him.
What I regret is giving so much of myself to someone who ultimately wasn't willing to put the same kind of effort into me. I wanted to see him succeed because his happiness and his future mattered to me. I just wish my happiness, my struggles and my future had mattered enough to him for him to invest in me the way I invested in him.
I wasn't wrong for noticing that something had changed.
I just wish my instincts hadn't been right.
I have to share something with everyone because this has been weighing heavily on me for a while now.
For two and a half years, I stood by someone and supported him financially, emotionally, and practically because I believed in him. I genuinely wanted to see him succeed and become a better version of himself.
When he was struggling to find work and being turned down for the jobs he applied for, I created a new résumé for him. I designed business flyers for him, provided transportation, transported his tools, equipment and supplies, and introduced him to people who ultimately provided opportunities for him to earn money.
One of those people was a friend of mine who owns rental properties. I introduced them, and we began working together helping renovate her properties to sell. I was happy to help because I cared about him, believed in him, and thought we were building something together.
In February, we had an argument because he had become increasingly secretive, and I could feel that something wasn't right. I was upset and suspicious because of the changes I was seeing in his behavior.
Later, I learned that my instincts hadn't been unfounded. He had contacted his ex and had also connected with another woman through social media.
What makes it especially painful now is watching an opportunity that I helped create continue to benefit him while he is fully aware that I'm struggling. He now has his ex and the woman he met through social media helping him at those properties because he needs the help and they need the money.
My support went far beyond helping him find work. I put money into a vehicle of his that I know I will probably never see again. Two doors on my vehicle were damaged because of his negligence. I don't believe he intentionally damaged them, and he told me he would repair them, but I've had to accept that he probably never will. The inside of my vehicle was also scratched and damaged from repeatedly transporting his tools, equipment and supplies.
I didn't support him because I expected something in return every time I helped him. I supported him because I cared about him and believed in him. I encouraged him, supported his goals, helped him find opportunities and tried to help him build a better life. I wanted to see him succeed and become the person I believed he was capable of being.
What hurts when I look back is realizing how much time, energy, money and effort I put into helping him move forward while never feeling that same kind of effort being put into me. I wasn't expecting him to repay every favor or keep score. I simply wanted the same support, consideration and investment in my well-being that I was willing to give to his.
Alcohol is another part of this that concerns me. I never personally witnessed him drinking while working at these properties. What I did find were beer cans and other alcohol containers at the properties on days when I hadn't been there.
The possibility that alcohol was being consumed while working is especially concerning because I know firsthand how alcohol affected him. His tolerance was very low. After only a few drinks, he could become so intoxicated that he had difficulty even holding himself up. He knew I would never have accepted drinking on the job. Not because I was trying to control whether he drank, but because I believed it was unsafe and irresponsible to work in that condition, particularly while using tools and doing physical labor.
I also can't ignore the changes I saw after alcohol became part of his life again. I can't prove that alcohol caused those changes, and I'm not claiming that it did. But from my perspective, his return to drinking coincided with significant changes in his behavior, his priorities, and the way he treated me.
And that's ultimately the part that hurts the most.
It isn't just the money I'll probably never recover. It isn't the damage to my vehicle. It isn't the résumé, the flyers, the transportation, the equipment I hauled, or even watching other people benefit from an opportunity that I originally helped create.
It's realizing that the person I cared about and believed in for two and a half years isn't the person I see today.
I believed in him when I helped him find work. I believed in him when I created things to help him succeed. I believed in him when I introduced him to people who could give him opportunities. I believed in him when I spent my own time, money and energy trying to help him build a better life.
And while I was investing so much of myself into him, he was becoming secretive and forming connections with other women behind my back.
I don't regret caring about him. I don't regret believing in him. And I don't regret wanting better for him.
What I regret is giving so much of myself to someone who ultimately wasn't willing to put the same kind of effort into me. I wanted to see him succeed because his happiness and his future mattered to me. I just wish my happiness, my struggles and my future had mattered enough to him for him to invest in me the way I invested in him.
I wasn't wrong for noticing that something had changed.
I just wish my instincts hadn't been right.
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