Does anyone have spiritual eyes and gifts that can assist me in a very sensitive topic?

Hi guys I have a inner conflict going on, since I was a young girl, little, commuting I would count numbers and think about all the ways I would make money and be a lucrative and good business owner, then I read in the bible that those that are the lowest on earth will be the highest in the kingdom of heaven and that greed is something to do with wealth perhaps the chasing of wealth. I never loved money but what I dreamed about made me who I was, suddenly I looked acted and perceived to be the poorest one in the room due to feeling it was so wrong to pursue a wealthy lifestyle, I don't feel like myself and am struggling to cope in the world and with people cause of a lack of identity. who am I? I feel like a liar. I know I don't want to go feeling like the poorest person in the room again but feel conflict with where my placement will be in heaven? I so badly want to be myself but the bible makes me hold back and change so much about who I am... what to do?

I am currently reading the book of Revelations, everything seems so mystical and fantasy like but to know that is how the end of times will be which we are already living in. the