I'm a former Lesbian-butch who has been transformed by the Lord through His compassionate, unfailing love and His overflowing grace.

I grew up in a Christian household but was never truly saved. I know the stories in the Bible and was very familiar with it, but I had no relationship with Christ. I tried to change myself forcefully, I wore woman clothing, make up and tried to grow my hair, but failed miserably. I thought to myself, I'm just fooling and lying to myself. so I gave up, gave in and became lesbian. after years of living for myself, I grew tired and sad. trying to live on my own but knowing God and His commandment is hard. knowing where I will go when I die and realizing I am hopeless (because I just can't change myself) is devastating.

One night, with deep sadness in my heart and hopelessness covering my entire being, I asked God for one last mercy. I told Him, "Lord, I know what I deserve. I know where I'm going. I know you are merciful. If you would at least grant me this one wish, just this one... please... when I die, could you just let me not exist anymore? not anywhere. I'd rather not exist at all than exist and continue to suffer in hell. please Lord."

But instead of giving me just what I asked, He gave me Grace. He gave me Love. and He gave me mercy. He gave me morethan what I prayed for.


I've always thought that knowing Him was curse because my knowledge of Him stopped me from living a life of (worldy and sinful) happiness. But the truth is, it was grace all along. He loved me so much to let me live a life apart from Him. cause He didn't want me to suffer for eternity. until now, I still can't recover on what God did. All glory belongs to Him.