Why Name a Channel ‘Shattered Dreams Poetry’
Years ago, during a deeply healing period, where truth was being seen, accepted, and the ability to express it was being formulated, I began to write poetry when God told me to ‘Write It Out.’ It was a first.
I was part of an online support group and had never told anyone much of what I’d lived. It was impossible. Abuse victims, whether a child or adult, are taught to ‘keep the secrets.’ It’s part of the abuse. Also, society tends to blame the victim and look down on them BECAUSE they ALLOWED themselves to be victimized.
You Absolutely Don’t Want My Opinion On That!
Victim shaming is real. I’ve experienced it. Many women—and not a few men—I know, have. I’m currently working on a video about that. But… I’m trying to be nice…. so, I keep getting stymied. Take that, as you will.
I was blown away by the women in the support group that commented on the poetry. Over and over again, I heard, “That describes it exactly.” “Someone understands.” “How did you know?!” “I’ve never been able to say it in a way that people get it… but this is perfect.” “I showed that to ______ and they now get it.”
And the final description that everyone agreed upon:
“You say what we lived and couldn’t speak.”
As the comments rolled in, people began to share what they never had. I took the information, and as it struck a cord, I’d write another piece. We led one another to ever deeper layers of healing.
Then, it got better. Women began to ask me to write something specific for something they’d lived, and needed to share, but couldn’t. Some will never be able to be published openly, as they were rather… um… about intimate abuse….
Some became the best pieces. Like ‘Anger Has Been Banished.’ A friend asked, ‘Can you write something to help me get rid of the anger? It’s just consuming me. It’s not who I am. It’s like it now lives inside of me, and I can’t banish it.
That piece will be put up soon. It too, struck a nerve in many. Maybe you won’t like it and will judge me harshly. I’m ok with that. I’m used to it. It helped me, her, and honestly THOUSANDS of hurting, angry women. There were 25,000 women on that site. Then, when I was asked to share it and many others, on yet another healing site, a lot of men. We discussed it. We shared. We were honest about what years of abuse had generated, that we’d buried. Or like me… took it out on the lawnmower. That was my escape. (You don’t get speeding tickets in your yard… but you CAN run over stuff… don’t ask me about that….) When you can’t speak it, it manifests in other ways.
Abuse Generates Anger
So, stop judging us for being angry. We’ve just been taught that it’s sin to admit it. Or that we’re just as bad as the abuser. One of the healing phrases I adopted was:
“Anger is the EXACT RIGHT RESPONSE to abuse.”
The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue.” -Proverbs 25:23
“When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain.” – Exodus 32:19
“God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day.” – Psalm 7:11
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” – Proverbs 27:5
God never told us to not be angry. He said to not use it to sin. He said to deal with it before the sun goes down. But when that is impossible, years of anger are held inside. Did you know that simply speaking it, frees you? It’s like a drain valve. Or the lid that raises up on a steam pipe. Suppress it and the whole thing blows up. Release it in small quantities—in the right manner—and everything regulates.
I wasn’t allowed to do that as child, no matter the level of abuse. Most of us weren’t. As a wife, and woman of the church, it wasn’t 'seemly.’ It was ‘disrespectful.’ I was told by a family member, concerning another family member, ‘That’s just how she is.’
No one had a problem that I was being abused. No one had an issue with the emotional, psychological, or physical damage. I still have scars. No one cared about the lies that damaged my reputation. They had a problem that I resisted it continuing to happen. As long as I kept taking it, the family dynamic remained intact.
PLOT SPOILER:
WHEN YOU START TO HEAL, THE FAMILY DYNAMIC CHANGES
PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU
HEAL ANYWAY
Please don’t ask my opinion of that either.
I’m not that timid woman anymore.
Thank you, pastor Mike Spaulding!
He was the first person in over 20 years of counseling who told me what truly helped:
When abuse enters a relationship,
it breaks the marriage covenant, just like adultery.
You’re not only FREE, to leave. YOU SHOULD.
A pastors’ wife told me her own story, that was so close to mine, it was astounding. She taught me that just because they’re ‘family,’ doesn’t mean you have to let them in the door, or deal with them at all. A novel concept for me, at the time. She had gone no contact with both her mother and a daughter. Her other daughter was simply lovely.
Ok, back to ‘Gilded Sanctuary’:
As each woman shared her story, we all joined in, to add our own, or just support the one finally brave enough to speak. Pain was articulated. Loss was revealed. Abuse of every type, done by people who should have been your personal protection detail, was revealed. Pain exploded, was examined, and healing materials shared. Book titles. Tips. Videos. What worked for one, hurt others.
We learned to be careful, but honest in every way. And we began to shake off the humiliation. The cowering spirit. The fear. Even the anger. We learned we had value. And that no relationship is worth abuse. We learned to laugh at things that used to horrify us. You’d be horrified at the things we laugh about. The stuff you laugh and joke about isn’t funny to us either, so we understand.
Most women’s ministry groups would not have approved of our conversations. One friend I met there, and I, stopped conversation in a pizza place in downtown Chicago once, by discussing our ‘current at the time’ reality. We’d forgotten what it sounded like to ‘normal’ people who hadn’t lived it. It’s still funny… but it wasn’t then.
Most pastors would have to be asked to leave, if I counseled someone now. I don’t cut corners. I refuse to pretty it up, in any way. I learned that doesn’t help. I learned the hard way that people who can’t get it out, don’t survive. And just so you know… the ones I personally knew who committed suicide back then, didn’t do it IN the abuse. They did it after… when the people (especially the church) refused to see the true pain and damage. Who expected more than they were capable of doing.
Healing isn’t linear. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t explainable. And it takes as long as it takes. That’s different for each person. Think poison trapped inside and being given syrup of Ipecac. That’s what needs to happen on an emotional/psychological level. Its ugly and rough. But effective, with support. Brutal without support.
Poetry exploded, as I tried my best to document it all in a way that was acceptable and healing. Not all the pieces are about me. But it’s about someone who was hurting deeply. Really… I only started it. They belong to us all. And I’m not telling what belongs to who. We know. Mostly a composite. Emails came, with details too rough to be shared online. I wrote it in prose and sent it back. They told me what didn’t work, sent it again, and I rewrote it, until I got the call… ‘That’s it. Thank you.’
To be honest, I have a folder in my computer titled:
‘Not Fit to Print.’
… but they’re good…
As other women joined, we took that combined healing and passed it down. Others were healed. It was beautiful. I want to do a video on Scars soon. Because many abuse victims are scarred in numerous ways. But where you see a SCAR. A FLAW. SOMETHING UGLY… I see a healed wound. Something that no longer bleeds. Something more beautiful than unscarred skin. I see survival. I see grit. Support. And a new life, that is more resilient than most people will ever understand.
It’s funny. We were from America, England, Scotland, Australia, the Middle East, and I’m sure other places… but we were all the same. Narcissists are ‘cookie cutter’ abusers. We called it the ‘Narc Play Book.’ We were black, white, asian, hispanic, and all kinds of combos. One was an actress whose name you’d know. Many were people their neighbor doesn’t know. But…. we were the same in so many ways.
During years of studying child abuse, spousal abuse, sibling abuse, workplace abuse, and many other forms… I learned something profound…. It’s freeing too, because the shame that abused people feel, and that the unabused people around attach to abused people, is relentless. You’ll love the piece about that. That one was for me… but they all related. What I learned was this:
We all react the same.
… no matter the type, length, or intensity of abuse… the damage is pretty much universal and goes deep. It’s simple really, and the answer will free you from shame.
It’s a Natural Response to Unnatural Circumstances.
So, throw off that ‘felon’s thong’ and just heal.
Eventually, I was dubbed the poet laureate of the group and asked to publish them all. I asked another woman to contribute and went to work. I knew nothing about publishing, so it’s not formatted the way I’d like, but later I’ll correct that. It’s now used by a professor in her classroom. Client’s hours from where I live tell me their counselor has recommended it. That’s gratifying… and profoundly healing… to know God gave you a gift that helped so many already… and will continue to.
To put it simply… this video is just the
Blueprint for Healing
and finally, becoming the woman. you’d be, if it hadn’t happened
… or in my estimate….
A Whole Lot More
God Works That Way
~ Rina Lynn
~ Freechick
(…put that on my license plate back then… loved it…)
Raising the Bar of Knowledge
Healing Hurting People
Spiritual Warfare
https://youtu.be/UGKp76i1jMsWhy Name a Channel ‘Shattered Dreams Poetry’
Years ago, during a deeply healing period, where truth was being seen, accepted, and the ability to express it was being formulated, I began to write poetry when God told me to ‘Write It Out.’ It was a first.
I was part of an online support group and had never told anyone much of what I’d lived. It was impossible. Abuse victims, whether a child or adult, are taught to ‘keep the secrets.’ It’s part of the abuse. Also, society tends to blame the victim and look down on them BECAUSE they ALLOWED themselves to be victimized.
You Absolutely Don’t Want My Opinion On That!
Victim shaming is real. I’ve experienced it. Many women—and not a few men—I know, have. I’m currently working on a video about that. But… I’m trying to be nice…. so, I keep getting stymied. Take that, as you will.
I was blown away by the women in the support group that commented on the poetry. Over and over again, I heard, “That describes it exactly.” “Someone understands.” “How did you know?!” “I’ve never been able to say it in a way that people get it… but this is perfect.” “I showed that to ______ and they now get it.”
And the final description that everyone agreed upon:
“You say what we lived and couldn’t speak.”
As the comments rolled in, people began to share what they never had. I took the information, and as it struck a cord, I’d write another piece. We led one another to ever deeper layers of healing.
Then, it got better. Women began to ask me to write something specific for something they’d lived, and needed to share, but couldn’t. Some will never be able to be published openly, as they were rather… um… about intimate abuse….
Some became the best pieces. Like ‘Anger Has Been Banished.’ A friend asked, ‘Can you write something to help me get rid of the anger? It’s just consuming me. It’s not who I am. It’s like it now lives inside of me, and I can’t banish it.
That piece will be put up soon. It too, struck a nerve in many. Maybe you won’t like it and will judge me harshly. I’m ok with that. I’m used to it. It helped me, her, and honestly THOUSANDS of hurting, angry women. There were 25,000 women on that site. Then, when I was asked to share it and many others, on yet another healing site, a lot of men. We discussed it. We shared. We were honest about what years of abuse had generated, that we’d buried. Or like me… took it out on the lawnmower. That was my escape. (You don’t get speeding tickets in your yard… but you CAN run over stuff… don’t ask me about that….) When you can’t speak it, it manifests in other ways.
Abuse Generates Anger
So, stop judging us for being angry. We’ve just been taught that it’s sin to admit it. Or that we’re just as bad as the abuser. One of the healing phrases I adopted was:
“Anger is the EXACT RIGHT RESPONSE to abuse.”
The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue.” -Proverbs 25:23
“When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain.” – Exodus 32:19
“God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day.” – Psalm 7:11
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” – Proverbs 27:5
God never told us to not be angry. He said to not use it to sin. He said to deal with it before the sun goes down. But when that is impossible, years of anger are held inside. Did you know that simply speaking it, frees you? It’s like a drain valve. Or the lid that raises up on a steam pipe. Suppress it and the whole thing blows up. Release it in small quantities—in the right manner—and everything regulates.
I wasn’t allowed to do that as child, no matter the level of abuse. Most of us weren’t. As a wife, and woman of the church, it wasn’t 'seemly.’ It was ‘disrespectful.’ I was told by a family member, concerning another family member, ‘That’s just how she is.’
No one had a problem that I was being abused. No one had an issue with the emotional, psychological, or physical damage. I still have scars. No one cared about the lies that damaged my reputation. They had a problem that I resisted it continuing to happen. As long as I kept taking it, the family dynamic remained intact.
PLOT SPOILER:
WHEN YOU START TO HEAL, THE FAMILY DYNAMIC CHANGES
PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU
HEAL ANYWAY
Please don’t ask my opinion of that either.
I’m not that timid woman anymore.
Thank you, pastor Mike Spaulding!
He was the first person in over 20 years of counseling who told me what truly helped:
When abuse enters a relationship,
it breaks the marriage covenant, just like adultery.
You’re not only FREE, to leave. YOU SHOULD.
A pastors’ wife told me her own story, that was so close to mine, it was astounding. She taught me that just because they’re ‘family,’ doesn’t mean you have to let them in the door, or deal with them at all. A novel concept for me, at the time. She had gone no contact with both her mother and a daughter. Her other daughter was simply lovely.
Ok, back to ‘Gilded Sanctuary’:
As each woman shared her story, we all joined in, to add our own, or just support the one finally brave enough to speak. Pain was articulated. Loss was revealed. Abuse of every type, done by people who should have been your personal protection detail, was revealed. Pain exploded, was examined, and healing materials shared. Book titles. Tips. Videos. What worked for one, hurt others.
We learned to be careful, but honest in every way. And we began to shake off the humiliation. The cowering spirit. The fear. Even the anger. We learned we had value. And that no relationship is worth abuse. We learned to laugh at things that used to horrify us. You’d be horrified at the things we laugh about. The stuff you laugh and joke about isn’t funny to us either, so we understand.
Most women’s ministry groups would not have approved of our conversations. One friend I met there, and I, stopped conversation in a pizza place in downtown Chicago once, by discussing our ‘current at the time’ reality. We’d forgotten what it sounded like to ‘normal’ people who hadn’t lived it. It’s still funny… but it wasn’t then.
Most pastors would have to be asked to leave, if I counseled someone now. I don’t cut corners. I refuse to pretty it up, in any way. I learned that doesn’t help. I learned the hard way that people who can’t get it out, don’t survive. And just so you know… the ones I personally knew who committed suicide back then, didn’t do it IN the abuse. They did it after… when the people (especially the church) refused to see the true pain and damage. Who expected more than they were capable of doing.
Healing isn’t linear. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t explainable. And it takes as long as it takes. That’s different for each person. Think poison trapped inside and being given syrup of Ipecac. That’s what needs to happen on an emotional/psychological level. Its ugly and rough. But effective, with support. Brutal without support.
Poetry exploded, as I tried my best to document it all in a way that was acceptable and healing. Not all the pieces are about me. But it’s about someone who was hurting deeply. Really… I only started it. They belong to us all. And I’m not telling what belongs to who. We know. Mostly a composite. Emails came, with details too rough to be shared online. I wrote it in prose and sent it back. They told me what didn’t work, sent it again, and I rewrote it, until I got the call… ‘That’s it. Thank you.’
To be honest, I have a folder in my computer titled:
‘Not Fit to Print.’
… but they’re good…
As other women joined, we took that combined healing and passed it down. Others were healed. It was beautiful. I want to do a video on Scars soon. Because many abuse victims are scarred in numerous ways. But where you see a SCAR. A FLAW. SOMETHING UGLY… I see a healed wound. Something that no longer bleeds. Something more beautiful than unscarred skin. I see survival. I see grit. Support. And a new life, that is more resilient than most people will ever understand.
It’s funny. We were from America, England, Scotland, Australia, the Middle East, and I’m sure other places… but we were all the same. Narcissists are ‘cookie cutter’ abusers. We called it the ‘Narc Play Book.’ We were black, white, asian, hispanic, and all kinds of combos. One was an actress whose name you’d know. Many were people their neighbor doesn’t know. But…. we were the same in so many ways.
During years of studying child abuse, spousal abuse, sibling abuse, workplace abuse, and many other forms… I learned something profound…. It’s freeing too, because the shame that abused people feel, and that the unabused people around attach to abused people, is relentless. You’ll love the piece about that. That one was for me… but they all related. What I learned was this:
We all react the same.
… no matter the type, length, or intensity of abuse… the damage is pretty much universal and goes deep. It’s simple really, and the answer will free you from shame.
It’s a Natural Response to Unnatural Circumstances.
So, throw off that ‘felon’s thong’ and just heal.
Eventually, I was dubbed the poet laureate of the group and asked to publish them all. I asked another woman to contribute and went to work. I knew nothing about publishing, so it’s not formatted the way I’d like, but later I’ll correct that. It’s now used by a professor in her classroom. Client’s hours from where I live tell me their counselor has recommended it. That’s gratifying… and profoundly healing… to know God gave you a gift that helped so many already… and will continue to.
To put it simply… this video is just the
Blueprint for Healing
and finally, becoming the woman. you’d be, if it hadn’t happened
… or in my estimate….
A Whole Lot More
God Works That Way
~ Rina Lynn
~ Freechick
(…put that on my license plate back then… loved it…)
Raising the Bar of Knowledge
Healing Hurting People
Spiritual Warfare
https://youtu.be/UGKp76i1jMs
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