Let me tell you something that may be painful to hear, but it can save you from a lot of heartbreak.
If I have to lie, pretend, or become someone I am not just to enter somebody’s life, then I am already setting that relationship up for failure.
Because you cannot successfully build something permanent with something temporary.
You may pretend for a while. You may impress them. You may say all the right things. You may act like you have everything together.
You may constantly call them, constantly check on them, constantly buy things for them, and constantly behave like the perfect person.
But the question is: How long can you continue?
Because pretending is exhausting. And eventually, you will get tired.
The real you will begin to come out. And when that happens, the person who fell in love with the version of you that you created may suddenly feel like they are dealing with a completely different person.
Then they will say, “You have changed.”
But sometimes, you didn't change. They simply started seeing you.
And that is a very painful truth.
Some people don't change after marriage. Some people don't change immediately after you agree to be in a relationship.
They were simply pretending before you committed yourself to them.
Before you said yes, they were doing everything possible to convince you. They called constantly. They were always available. They were patient. They were kind.
They listened. They appeared to have all the qualities you were looking for. But after they became sure that they had you, the performance started becoming difficult to maintain.
The calls became fewer. The excuses became more frequent. The patience disappeared.
The respect reduced. The person you thought you knew started behaving differently.
And you begin asking yourself, “What happened to this person?”
Sometimes, nothing happened. You simply met the version they were hiding.
And this is why I want you to understand something: Don't pretend your way into somebody's heart.
If you normally don't call someone five times a day, don't suddenly start calling five times a day just because you want them to like you.
Because what happens when they get used to that attention?
One day, you become tired. You stop calling.
They start asking, “What happened to you?” And you have no answer because the person they miss was never really you.
Don't spend money you cannot comfortably afford just to impress somebody.
Don't create an image of yourself that your real life cannot sustain.
Don't lie about your strengths. Don't hide every weakness.
Don't pretend you have everything figured out when you don't.
Don't act like you are always happy when you are struggling.
Be honest about who you are. Let people see you. Let them see your personality.
Let them see your values. Let them see how you treat people. Let them see your weaknesses and your strengths.
Let them see your real life. And then give them the freedom to decide whether they can accept that person.
Because the right person doesn't need you to become a fake version of yourself just to be accepted.
And please, You don't need everybody to like you. You need the right people to know you.
There is a difference.
If somebody only likes you because of the person you pretended to be, then you haven't really won their heart. You have only successfully deceived them. And eventually, both of you will pay for it.
This is also why, when you are considering someone, don't only listen to their sweet words. Watch their life. Watch their actions.
Watch how they treat people who cannot give them anything. Watch how they behave when they are angry.
Watch how they respond when things don't go their way. Watch whether their actions agree with their words.
Because anybody can say, “I am a good person.”
But your lifestyle will eventually answer the question for you.
The Bible says in James 1:8 that a double-minded person is unstable in all their ways.
When somebody is constantly presenting different versions of themselves depending on who is watching, sooner or later, the inconsistency will become obvious.
So don't be carried away by appearances. Don't allow a fine car to make you ignore character. Don't allow money to make you ignore integrity.
Don't allow expensive gifts to make you ignore bad behavior.
Don't allow sweet words to make you ignore obvious warning signs.
Don't allow attraction and excitement to make you forget the qualities that actually matter when choosing someone who will have a serious place in your life.
Because when the excitement becomes normal, character is what remains.
The car can break down. The money can finish. The gifts can stop coming. The excitement can reduce. But character is what you will continue to live with.
And this applies to you too.
Don't make someone fall in love with a person you cannot continue to be.
If you are naturally quiet, don't pretend to be extremely outgoing. If you cannot afford certain things, don't pretend that you can.
If you have weaknesses you are working on, be honest about them. If you are still growing, admit that you are still growing.
There is nothing shameful about saying, “This is who I am, and these are the areas I am working on.”
In fact, that kind of honesty can save you from years of pretending.
Because imagine entering a relationship through deception and spending the rest of your life trying to maintain the lie.
That is not love. That is pressure. And eventually, the pressure will expose you.
So please... Be yourself.
Let people know the real you. And if they don't accept you, let them go.
It may hurt, but rejection from someone who doesn't accept the real you is better than acceptance from someone who only loves your disguise.
And when you are choosing someone too, don't just ask, “Do I like this person?”
Ask, “Who is this person when nobody is watching?”
Look beyond the packaging. Look beyond the appearance. Look beyond the excitement. Look beyond the sweet messages.
Look at character. Look at consistency. Look at integrity. Look at how they treat people.
Look at whether their words and actions agree.
Because you are not choosing a photograph. You are choosing a person.
Don't become a victim of somebody else's pretence, and don't make somebody else a victim of yours.
Be honest. Be real. Be consistent. Because the person you pretend to be may get you into someone's life... but only the person you truly are can sustain your place there.
Don't let someone spend years loving a person you created just to make them stay. Because one day, when the mask falls, they won't only feel like they lost you; they will feel like they never knew you at all.
I am Anthony Chukwuebuka - THE BOO OF THE BOOLESS; The greatest tragedy is not when someone stops loving you; it is when you realize they were never given the chance to love the real you.
Let me tell you something that may be painful to hear, but it can save you from a lot of heartbreak.
If I have to lie, pretend, or become someone I am not just to enter somebody’s life, then I am already setting that relationship up for failure.
Because you cannot successfully build something permanent with something temporary.
You may pretend for a while. You may impress them. You may say all the right things. You may act like you have everything together.
You may constantly call them, constantly check on them, constantly buy things for them, and constantly behave like the perfect person.
But the question is: How long can you continue?
Because pretending is exhausting. And eventually, you will get tired.
The real you will begin to come out. And when that happens, the person who fell in love with the version of you that you created may suddenly feel like they are dealing with a completely different person.
Then they will say, “You have changed.”
But sometimes, you didn't change. They simply started seeing you.
And that is a very painful truth.
Some people don't change after marriage. Some people don't change immediately after you agree to be in a relationship.
They were simply pretending before you committed yourself to them.
Before you said yes, they were doing everything possible to convince you. They called constantly. They were always available. They were patient. They were kind.
They listened. They appeared to have all the qualities you were looking for. But after they became sure that they had you, the performance started becoming difficult to maintain.
The calls became fewer. The excuses became more frequent. The patience disappeared.
The respect reduced. The person you thought you knew started behaving differently.
And you begin asking yourself, “What happened to this person?”
Sometimes, nothing happened. You simply met the version they were hiding.
And this is why I want you to understand something: Don't pretend your way into somebody's heart.
If you normally don't call someone five times a day, don't suddenly start calling five times a day just because you want them to like you.
Because what happens when they get used to that attention?
One day, you become tired. You stop calling.
They start asking, “What happened to you?” And you have no answer because the person they miss was never really you.
Don't spend money you cannot comfortably afford just to impress somebody.
Don't create an image of yourself that your real life cannot sustain.
Don't lie about your strengths. Don't hide every weakness.
Don't pretend you have everything figured out when you don't.
Don't act like you are always happy when you are struggling.
Be honest about who you are. Let people see you. Let them see your personality.
Let them see your values. Let them see how you treat people. Let them see your weaknesses and your strengths.
Let them see your real life. And then give them the freedom to decide whether they can accept that person.
Because the right person doesn't need you to become a fake version of yourself just to be accepted.
And please, You don't need everybody to like you. You need the right people to know you.
There is a difference.
If somebody only likes you because of the person you pretended to be, then you haven't really won their heart. You have only successfully deceived them. And eventually, both of you will pay for it.
This is also why, when you are considering someone, don't only listen to their sweet words. Watch their life. Watch their actions.
Watch how they treat people who cannot give them anything. Watch how they behave when they are angry.
Watch how they respond when things don't go their way. Watch whether their actions agree with their words.
Because anybody can say, “I am a good person.”
But your lifestyle will eventually answer the question for you.
The Bible says in James 1:8 that a double-minded person is unstable in all their ways.
When somebody is constantly presenting different versions of themselves depending on who is watching, sooner or later, the inconsistency will become obvious.
So don't be carried away by appearances. Don't allow a fine car to make you ignore character. Don't allow money to make you ignore integrity.
Don't allow expensive gifts to make you ignore bad behavior.
Don't allow sweet words to make you ignore obvious warning signs.
Don't allow attraction and excitement to make you forget the qualities that actually matter when choosing someone who will have a serious place in your life.
Because when the excitement becomes normal, character is what remains.
The car can break down. The money can finish. The gifts can stop coming. The excitement can reduce. But character is what you will continue to live with.
And this applies to you too.
Don't make someone fall in love with a person you cannot continue to be.
If you are naturally quiet, don't pretend to be extremely outgoing. If you cannot afford certain things, don't pretend that you can.
If you have weaknesses you are working on, be honest about them. If you are still growing, admit that you are still growing.
There is nothing shameful about saying, “This is who I am, and these are the areas I am working on.”
In fact, that kind of honesty can save you from years of pretending.
Because imagine entering a relationship through deception and spending the rest of your life trying to maintain the lie.
That is not love. That is pressure. And eventually, the pressure will expose you.
So please... Be yourself.
Let people know the real you. And if they don't accept you, let them go.
It may hurt, but rejection from someone who doesn't accept the real you is better than acceptance from someone who only loves your disguise.
And when you are choosing someone too, don't just ask, “Do I like this person?”
Ask, “Who is this person when nobody is watching?”
Look beyond the packaging. Look beyond the appearance. Look beyond the excitement. Look beyond the sweet messages.
Look at character. Look at consistency. Look at integrity. Look at how they treat people.
Look at whether their words and actions agree.
Because you are not choosing a photograph. You are choosing a person.
Don't become a victim of somebody else's pretence, and don't make somebody else a victim of yours.
Be honest. Be real. Be consistent. Because the person you pretend to be may get you into someone's life... but only the person you truly are can sustain your place there.
Don't let someone spend years loving a person you created just to make them stay. Because one day, when the mask falls, they won't only feel like they lost you; they will feel like they never knew you at all.
I am Anthony Chukwuebuka - THE BOO OF THE BOOLESS; The greatest tragedy is not when someone stops loving you; it is when you realize they were never given the chance to love the real you.
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