THE ROLE OF WOMEN: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
Every woman—and every man—should watch this first
. Please watch it, then read what I have to say on the subject. Much about the role of women in Scripture has been misunderstood because we often superimpose human assumptions onto the Biblical text.
Video to watch
:
https://youtu.be/7sTN7v6Vol4?si=yRjAhl-8cEB0qIiF
Google Docs link for easy navigation of the cited passages:
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/THE_ROLE_OF_WOMEN/
EQUALITY AND CO-HEIRS
This video highlights an important truth: women are NOT inferior to men in the Biblical context, and I’d like to expand on that.
Certainly, men and women are different, but they are also co-heirs of God’s Grace (Gen 1:27-28 - notice the Passage says “them” and not just “him”, meaning the mandate was on both the man and woman, 1 Peter 3:7, Gal 3:28). Furthermore, God has poured out His Holy Spirit on both men and women (Joel 2:28-29, Acts 2:16-18).
SUBMISSION
The speaker in the video addressed the meaning of “helper” from the Hebrew and Biblical context; I’d like to address the subject of “submission” and offer further clarification.
There is no question that wives are instructed to submit to their husbands, and that is not changing anytime soon (Col 3:18, Eph 5:22-24). However, the Bible also teaches MUTUAL SUBMISSION (Eph 5:21); furthermore, love, which the husband is instructed to show to the wife (Eph 5:25, 28-29, 33), also entails looking out for the needs and interests of others above oneself (Rom 12:10, 1 Cor 13:4-7). Therefore, both husband and wife ought to practice mutual submission toward one another, just as they each submit to Jesus Christ.
SUBMISSION IS NOT INFERIORITY
Submission is NOT a dirty word, and it does NOT automatically imply inferiority in the spiritual context.
It is from the human perspective that submission is often interpreted as subjugation or oppression.
Subjugation is forcing someone to submit to your authority. Likewise, forcing someone to serve your interests without regard for their welfare is oppression.
However, in the Biblical context, submission means WILLINGLY yielding to God-ordained authority, and this ends up being mutually beneficial.
And in the event that the ones in authority step out of line to become oppressive over those entrusted to them, God steps in to judge, because those who submit to any authority are entitled to fair treatment and benefits for the help they render (Ps 103:6, 9:9-10, 146:7-9, *James 5:4*, Luke 4:18-19, *Matt 5:10-12*).
JESUS CHRIST EXEMPLIFIES SUBMISSION
Jesus Christ Himself submitted to the will of the Father (Matt 26:39, Heb 5:7-10, John 14:30-31, 15:9-10). He was not forced to lay down His life (John 10:18); He willingly laid down His life to fulfill the Father’s will.
He was NOT inferior in any way—He was submissive (Phil 2:5-8). And the Father in turn bestowed authority upon Him in response to His obedience ([John 6:38, 5:19-20, 30], [Phil 2:9-11, Matt 28:18, John 5:26-27, 17:2]); and He, the Father, Personally contends to enforce the authority of His Son (Ps 2:7-12, 110:1-2).
And Jesus Christ in turn submits that same authority back to the Father (1 Cor 15:24-28). This reflects perfect harmony, love, and willing cooperation within the Trinity.
The Son serves the interests of the Father, and the Father serves the interests of the Son. In other words, the Son works to Glorify the Father (John 17:4, 8:49-50, 7:16-18), and the Father Glorifies the Son (John 8:54, 17:1, 5).
And not to leave out the Holy Spirit in this illustration: the Holy Spirit is devoted to glorifying the Father and the Son, and this might seem as though He is relegated to a serving role (John 16:13-15); but then the Father and Son have so exalted the Holy Spirit that any trespass against Him is practically unforgivable, I mean both the Father and Son will contend against anyone who dishonors the Holy Spirit (Gen 6:3, Isaiah 63:10, Matt 12:31-32, 1 John 5:16-17). In this way, the Holy Spirit is exalted and exceedingly honored. So in short the Trinity demonstrates mutual submission.
Jesus Christ further demonstrated to all of us the concept of submission, and this further clears the air that submission is NOT inferiority, especially when viewed from a spiritual context.
Jesus Christ submitted to the baptism of John the Baptist, even though in this case He was Greater than John the Baptist (Matt 3:13-15, John 1:30, 3:26-30). John was sent by God to prepare the way and reveal Jesus Christ to Israel (John 1:31-34); hence, Jesus Christ in submission to God's long-ordained plan, submitted Himself to the God-given assignment of John the Baptist (Isaiah 40:3, Mal 3:1, Matt 3:1-3). This goes to show that submission is not a status thing, it is laying down one's will in alignment with God-ordained authority.
The God-ordained authority in the home is the husband (Eph 5:23), just as Jesus Christ is the Head of the Church (Eph 1:22, 4:15), and Father God is Head of Christ (1 Cor 11:3). So wife, your status or affluence is no excuse for you not to submit to your husband. If Jesus Christ could submit to John's baptism, and He could also submit to the Father's will at the cost of His life, even though He was equal with the Father (Phil 2:5-11, John 10:30), then you should also submit to your husband, because that's the authority that God has established in the home.
THE HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY
Husbands, remember that you too are under the authority of Christ (1 Cor 11:3), and you will give an account to Him (2 Cor 5:10). If you mistreat your wife, even your prayers may be hindered before God (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 11:25-26 NKJV), and God would be unhappy with you (Mal 2:15-16).
Your God-ordained role is NOT to subjugate your wife or make life bitter for her, while you make things easy and enjoyable for yourself; your calling as a husband is to love her and seek her well-being (Col 3:19, Deut 24:5, 1 Cor 7:33).
LOVE IS A CHOICE
Love is a CHOICE—it should NOT depend on mood or on your spouse’s behavior. You, as the husband, are called to love her just as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25).
Remember: Christ loved us even when our behavior toward Him was unlovable (Rom 5:6-8, 1 John 4:10-11). And His Love wasn't primarily for self-interest, but foremost for the interest and welfare of His Bride, the Church (Eph 5:25-27, 1 Cor 13:4-7).
In the same way, you must CHOOSE to love your wife regardless of the circumstances, and seek to better her; that's the oath you swore before people and God when you married her.
ABUSE / DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Let me say this clearly—especially to husbands who physically abuse their wives: seek help immediately and stop justifying this sinful behavior. Your wife should have no reason to fear, or be intimidated by your physical strength (1 Peter 3:5-7).
Whatever you do to her, you're doing to yourself in the most grievous way (Eph 5:28-30). I mean you are wounding your soul, because God has joined you and her as one (Matt 19:5-6, Mal 2:15 NLT). Soul wounds are more difficult to heal than physical bruises.
Such wounds often leave lasting consequences—spiritually, emotionally, and relationally, and it would hinder and frustrate you in ways you can't begin to comprehend. Just like the Newtonian law of cause and effect (i.e. the 3rd Law of Motion), everything one does has a spiritual recompense that may manifest immediately or much later (1 Tim 5:24-25, Gal 6:7-10).
So you need to ask yourself the question: is inflicting physical or verbal hurt on your wife worth it, when all of that is just going to boomerang to hurt you one way or the other? Is there actually any advantage to oppressing and intimidating your wife to have your way at her expense?
THE HEAD IS NOT SEPARATE FROM THE BODY - ABUSE AFFECTS THE WHOLE BODY
Indeed, you as the husband are the head of the home, but together with your wife you're one body, just as Jesus Christ is the Head, but also One Body with the Church (Eph 5:23, 4:11-16). This is a spiritual mystery as Paul said (Eph 5:31-32).
Just as the head needs the other parts of the body, you need your wife (1 Cor 12:21). And being that you're one body with your wife, you must understand that no part of the body is isolated from the pain of any part. The body shares in the pain and glory of any part (1 Cor 12:25-26).
So if you CHOOSE to inflict physical or verbal pain on your wife, that pain would find a way of coming back on you. But if you CHOOSE to love and better your wife, her glorification will bring you glory and honor (Prov 31:11, 23, 28-31).
Remember, subjugation is you trying to force her to submit, and this would be a violation of her will. God did NOT give you strength to rule your wife and children through fear or intimidation. That strength has been given to you to secure and provide a livelihood for your family. Use your strength as God intended—not as a weapon, but as a means of protection and provision.
CALL TO REPENTANCE FOR ABUSIVE HUSBANDS
If you are a professing believer and you abuse your wife, either physically or verbally (James 3:9-11), please recognize that your actions violate both Scripture and the Lordship of Jesus Christ, Whom you ought to submit to (1 Cor 11:3, Mal 2:16 AMPC).
So REPENT of this behavior, and ask the Holy Spirit to produce in you the Fruit of Love, Gentleness, Kindness, Forbearance and Self-control (Gal 5:22-23); and learn the Humility of Christ (Matt 11:29). And pray for your wife so that both of you can build a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship.
CALL TO REPENTANCE FOR ABUSIVE WIVES
We must also acknowledge that some wives physically or verbally abuse their husbands, the latter being quite common.
Verbally diminishing your husband whether out of anger, frustration, or as a joke is not right. This is part of the unwise behavior that will destroy your home. Many men avoid spending time with their wives for this very reason, choosing to instead hang out with their friends.
With their friends they find succour, humor, engagement and interest. But with their wives they face judgment and condemnation, disinterest, and contentious arguments about things that may not be so important.
Many women possess strong verbal expressiveness compared to men, and some may unfortunately misuse that strength, just as some husbands misuse their physical strength to abuse their wives.
So wives, you need to especially repent of being verbally abusive to your husbands, whether to his face or behind his back when “gisting” with friends or family.
Be friendly, cordial and respectful to your husband always, and cement a strong relationship with him. Make this a habit so that even when he isn't there you wouldn't say unkind things about him.
Finding out unkind things said by a loved one behind one's back can be quite hurtful and demoralizing (Prov 20:19, 26:20). But finding out that your loved one “had your back”, or spoke favorably on your behalf, can be very endearing and reinvigorating. So wives, faithfully love and respect your husband.
And also you'll find that as your relationship with Jesus Christ deepens, you'll grow a greater capacity to love your husband, despite his shortcomings. And this is because in loving Christ you learn to love others (1 John 4:19-21, *Col 3:12-14*, Eph 4:29-32), seeing that love is selfless and sacrificial (*1 John 3:16-18*, John 13:34-35).
WHY YOU NEED TO MARRY A COMMITTED BELIEVER WHO IS SUBMITTED TO JESUS CHRIST
This is another reason believers should marry fellow committed believers, who are FIRST submitted to Christ (Eph 5:22, 1 Cor 7:39, 2 Cor 6:14-16). As a result of both husband and wife being obedient to Jesus Christ, they would obey Scripture and be mutually submitted to each other and NOT self-centered (Eph 5:21, 1 Cor 13:4-7).
Accountability to Jesus Christ, means that when things are out of course, husband or wife can humbly take corrections from the Bible and realign themselves accordingly.
An unbeliever does not feel obligated to submit to the teachings and commands of Jesus Christ, hence it is most likely that they would choose to satisfy their self-interest, rather than mutually serving one another’s needs. In marriage, you're mutually responsible for each other, and to meet each other's needs (1 Cor 7:3-4, 33-34).
LEADERSHIP AS SERVICE
As I said, submission is not a bad thing or a sign of inferiority. Jesus Christ further demonstrated the concept of submission to His disciples in the form of servant-leadership.
He taught them that despite His status, He was among them as One Who serves, and He urged them to adopt that same attitude, unlike the attitude of the people of the world who use their authority as a means to subjugate, instead of serving others (Matt 20:25-28).
This is what I am emphasizing to husbands as well, that being the head of the home is a call to sacrificial service—not subjugation of those you've been given authority over. If you subjugate them, then you're no different from the people of the world who use their power and authority to oppress at every given opportunity.
That is not how God exercises His power or authority, and neither should we. And it is because God is NOT oppressive in the use of His Power and Authority that's why we Love Him and gravitate towards Him (*Job 37:23-24*).
CHRIST WASHING THE DISCIPLES’ FEET AND ITS CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE
Jesus Christ went on to demonstrate what He told His disciples about humility and service by washing their feet, and He encouraged them to humbly practice the same among each other (John 13:3-5, 12-17). In doing so, He redefined submission from a worldly concept into a spiritual principle.
In the worldly perspective, or culturally speaking in that time, when most travel was done on foot in dusty conditions, washing the feet of guests arriving at a home was customary and necessary; and it was typically a task assigned to servants or women within the household (1 Tim 5:9-10).
But Jesus Christ showed that this submissive act was not only left for the lowly or women to perform, but also that men who follow Him must embrace the same posture of humility and submission towards each other (John 13:12-17). So importantly, submission is a mutual call for both husband and wife (Eph 5:21, 33).
A WOMAN’S CAPACITY TO BUILD OR DESTROY
However, I believe there is an important reason Scripture specifically calls wives to submission, that is, apart from the fact that God has ordained the husband to be head of the home. I believe it is connected to the unique influence and capacity God has given women.
A woman has tremendous capacity either to build or to tear down her home, often regardless of the kind of husband she has (Prov 14:1).
EXAMPLES OF WOMEN WISELY BUILDING
With regards to building and preserving the home, for example, we see Abigail who was married to a foolish and wicked man, Nabal (1 Sam 25:14-17, 25). Yet Abigail’s wisdom calmed David’s anger, thereby saving the lives of everyone in the household—even the servants (1 Sam 25:23-35).
Another example is Esther, who through prayer, fasting, and tactful wisdom was able to counter the destructive influence of Haman, one of the king’s closest advisors (Esther 3:1-2, 5-15, 1 Cor 15:33); and then she saved her people, who were a minority, marked out for destruction (Esther 4:15-16, 5:1-8, 7:1-10, 8:1-17).
I can go on to highlight how Rebekah played a decisive role in Jacob receiving the blessing, because she discerned from God the destiny of her twin boys before they were born (Gen 25:21-23). There are so many examples of women demonstrating wisdom and establishing remarkable things irrespective of their husbands (Prov 31:10-31).
EXAMPLES OF WOMEN BEING DESTRUCTIVE
But on the other hand, a woman has the capacity to destroy a home regardless of how good or bad her husband is.
Solomon—the wisest man—who knew that wisdom came from the fear of God (Prov 1:1, 7, Ps 111:10), yet because of his love for his wives, he abandoned wisdom and foolishly worshipped idols (1 Kings 11:1-13, Neh 13:26).
Samson—the strongest man—was twice betrayed by the women he loved (Judges 14:1-3, 15-20, 16:4-21). A man that an entire nation could not capture or withstand (Judges 15:14-17, 20), was ultimately subdued because he yielded to relentless emotional pressure and manipulation (*Judges 16:16*).
So it doesn't matter how wise, rich, influential or strong a man is, if the woman he loves chooses a destructive path, he will be brought down.
Solomon penned down how frustrating it can be to live with a contentious woman (Prov 21:9, 19, 25:24); in fact elsewhere he describes it as being worse than death. This is the same man who said a living dog is better than a dead lion (Eccl 9:4); but now he is saying that a man living with a contentious woman is worse than death (Eccl 7:26). This comparison tells you how incredibly powerful a woman can be. That power can be either for good or evil, but the choice rests with her (Prov 14:1).
FINAL ENCOURAGEMENT
So again husband and wife are to be mutually submissive to each other. And this act of submission, or doing what is right, is independent of the actions of their spouse.
Meaning it is expected of each person to act rightly even if their husband or wife doesn't. Individually, each person should play their role for the overall success of the family.
Nevertheless, the flourishing of the home is greatly helped when the wife intentionally embraces Biblical wisdom and submission.
Husbands need this, but the capacity and wisdom to build the home largely revolves around the wife, if she so CHOOSES to embrace that wisdom (Prov 14:1, 31:10-31).
For prospective wives or married women, who can honestly look at their home and discern that work needs to be done to build it into something better, then humbly seek to obtain wisdom from God as it peculiarly applies to your home, and He will Graciously give you that wisdom (James 1:5, Heb 4:16).
No two marriages or homes are exactly alike, each one has its peculiarities. God knows your heart—and the hearts of your spouse and children (Ps 139:1-4, 13-18, 23, 1 Kings 8:39, Prov 15:11). So He is in the best position to guide and direct you on what will work best for your home.
Simply copying what worked for your parents or friends is not guaranteed to work for you, your spouse, and your children; it may lead to unrealistic expectations and frustration.
And even in raising your children, you must view each one as an individual and not assume that the mould that successfully shaped and worked for one, would be directly applicable to the other(s).
But with God-given wisdom, you will be better equipped, and stand a better chance of building your home successfully and stress-free.
To all wives and mothers: know this clearly—you are NOT inferior. Being submissive and helpful does NOT make you inferior to your male counterparts.
God has entrusted you with a unique capacity to nurture and build. God saw that man could not carry out his assignment on earth without help and companionship, so He sent you, the woman (Gen 2:18-24). And in the same way, you need a man.
The world was designed for men and women to function side by side, and enjoy companionship. Together husband and wife can enjoy life on earth, and accomplish that which they're both destined for (Eccl 9:9).
To all mothers and wives faithfully building strong, stable homes: thank you
. The ripples of your impact are not just limited to your home or communities, it spreads throughout the whole world. You will certainly be rewarded and NEVER forgotten.
God bless and Shalom.
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Follow-up Post to the book, "The Biblical Festivals of God":
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Biblical_Ciphers_Part_One/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Biblical_Ciphers_Part_Two/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/BIBLICAL_CIPHERS_AND_CODES-FULL_SERIES/
Other recommended articles:
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/DO_NOT_JUDGE/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/THE_ORIGINS_OF_EASTER/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/JESUS_CHRIST_THE_PASSOVER_LAMB-FULL_SERIES/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/HOW_CAN_JESUS_PAY_FOR_THE_SINS_OF_OTHERS/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/THE_OLD_TESTAMENT_IS_THE_SHADOW_OF_THE_NEW_COVENANT/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/What_Paul_Meant_by-The_Law_of_Sin_and_Death-Rom_7and8/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/TO_BE_LIKE_JESUS_FULL_SERIES/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/The_Premise_of_Christianity/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Jesus_The_Redeemer/ https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Building_on_Legacy/ #Womanhood #BiblicalWomanhood #BiblicalMarriage #GodlyMarriage #ChristianMarriage #WomenInScripture #RoleOfWomen #FaithAndFamily #KingdomFamily #MutualSubmission #ChristianLiving #JesusChrist #BiblicalTruth #BibleStudy #Discipleship #BibleStudyWithDanielOlatunji #FreeBooks #EarlyStepsInChristianity #TheBiblicalFestivalsOfGod THE ROLE OF WOMEN: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
Every woman—and every man—should watch this first 👇📺. Please watch it, then read what I have to say on the subject. Much about the role of women in Scripture has been misunderstood because we often superimpose human assumptions onto the Biblical text.
Video to watch📺: https://youtu.be/7sTN7v6Vol4?si=yRjAhl-8cEB0qIiF
Google Docs link for easy navigation of the cited passages: https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/THE_ROLE_OF_WOMEN/
EQUALITY AND CO-HEIRS
This video highlights an important truth: women are NOT inferior to men in the Biblical context, and I’d like to expand on that.
Certainly, men and women are different, but they are also co-heirs of God’s Grace (Gen 1:27-28 - notice the Passage says “them” and not just “him”, meaning the mandate was on both the man and woman, 1 Peter 3:7, Gal 3:28). Furthermore, God has poured out His Holy Spirit on both men and women (Joel 2:28-29, Acts 2:16-18).
SUBMISSION
The speaker in the video addressed the meaning of “helper” from the Hebrew and Biblical context; I’d like to address the subject of “submission” and offer further clarification.
There is no question that wives are instructed to submit to their husbands, and that is not changing anytime soon (Col 3:18, Eph 5:22-24). However, the Bible also teaches MUTUAL SUBMISSION (Eph 5:21); furthermore, love, which the husband is instructed to show to the wife (Eph 5:25, 28-29, 33), also entails looking out for the needs and interests of others above oneself (Rom 12:10, 1 Cor 13:4-7). Therefore, both husband and wife ought to practice mutual submission toward one another, just as they each submit to Jesus Christ.
SUBMISSION IS NOT INFERIORITY
Submission is NOT a dirty word, and it does NOT automatically imply inferiority in the spiritual context.
It is from the human perspective that submission is often interpreted as subjugation or oppression.
Subjugation is forcing someone to submit to your authority. Likewise, forcing someone to serve your interests without regard for their welfare is oppression.
However, in the Biblical context, submission means WILLINGLY yielding to God-ordained authority, and this ends up being mutually beneficial.
And in the event that the ones in authority step out of line to become oppressive over those entrusted to them, God steps in to judge, because those who submit to any authority are entitled to fair treatment and benefits for the help they render (Ps 103:6, 9:9-10, 146:7-9, *James 5:4*, Luke 4:18-19, *Matt 5:10-12*).
JESUS CHRIST EXEMPLIFIES SUBMISSION
Jesus Christ Himself submitted to the will of the Father (Matt 26:39, Heb 5:7-10, John 14:30-31, 15:9-10). He was not forced to lay down His life (John 10:18); He willingly laid down His life to fulfill the Father’s will.
He was NOT inferior in any way—He was submissive (Phil 2:5-8). And the Father in turn bestowed authority upon Him in response to His obedience ([John 6:38, 5:19-20, 30], [Phil 2:9-11, Matt 28:18, John 5:26-27, 17:2]); and He, the Father, Personally contends to enforce the authority of His Son (Ps 2:7-12, 110:1-2).
And Jesus Christ in turn submits that same authority back to the Father (1 Cor 15:24-28). This reflects perfect harmony, love, and willing cooperation within the Trinity.
The Son serves the interests of the Father, and the Father serves the interests of the Son. In other words, the Son works to Glorify the Father (John 17:4, 8:49-50, 7:16-18), and the Father Glorifies the Son (John 8:54, 17:1, 5).
And not to leave out the Holy Spirit in this illustration: the Holy Spirit is devoted to glorifying the Father and the Son, and this might seem as though He is relegated to a serving role (John 16:13-15); but then the Father and Son have so exalted the Holy Spirit that any trespass against Him is practically unforgivable, I mean both the Father and Son will contend against anyone who dishonors the Holy Spirit (Gen 6:3, Isaiah 63:10, Matt 12:31-32, 1 John 5:16-17). In this way, the Holy Spirit is exalted and exceedingly honored. So in short the Trinity demonstrates mutual submission.
Jesus Christ further demonstrated to all of us the concept of submission, and this further clears the air that submission is NOT inferiority, especially when viewed from a spiritual context.
Jesus Christ submitted to the baptism of John the Baptist, even though in this case He was Greater than John the Baptist (Matt 3:13-15, John 1:30, 3:26-30). John was sent by God to prepare the way and reveal Jesus Christ to Israel (John 1:31-34); hence, Jesus Christ in submission to God's long-ordained plan, submitted Himself to the God-given assignment of John the Baptist (Isaiah 40:3, Mal 3:1, Matt 3:1-3). This goes to show that submission is not a status thing, it is laying down one's will in alignment with God-ordained authority.
The God-ordained authority in the home is the husband (Eph 5:23), just as Jesus Christ is the Head of the Church (Eph 1:22, 4:15), and Father God is Head of Christ (1 Cor 11:3). So wife, your status or affluence is no excuse for you not to submit to your husband. If Jesus Christ could submit to John's baptism, and He could also submit to the Father's will at the cost of His life, even though He was equal with the Father (Phil 2:5-11, John 10:30), then you should also submit to your husband, because that's the authority that God has established in the home.
THE HUSBAND’S RESPONSIBILITY
Husbands, remember that you too are under the authority of Christ (1 Cor 11:3), and you will give an account to Him (2 Cor 5:10). If you mistreat your wife, even your prayers may be hindered before God (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 11:25-26 NKJV), and God would be unhappy with you (Mal 2:15-16).
Your God-ordained role is NOT to subjugate your wife or make life bitter for her, while you make things easy and enjoyable for yourself; your calling as a husband is to love her and seek her well-being (Col 3:19, Deut 24:5, 1 Cor 7:33).
LOVE IS A CHOICE
Love is a CHOICE—it should NOT depend on mood or on your spouse’s behavior. You, as the husband, are called to love her just as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25).
Remember: Christ loved us even when our behavior toward Him was unlovable (Rom 5:6-8, 1 John 4:10-11). And His Love wasn't primarily for self-interest, but foremost for the interest and welfare of His Bride, the Church (Eph 5:25-27, 1 Cor 13:4-7).
In the same way, you must CHOOSE to love your wife regardless of the circumstances, and seek to better her; that's the oath you swore before people and God when you married her.
ABUSE / DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Let me say this clearly—especially to husbands who physically abuse their wives: seek help immediately and stop justifying this sinful behavior. Your wife should have no reason to fear, or be intimidated by your physical strength (1 Peter 3:5-7).
Whatever you do to her, you're doing to yourself in the most grievous way (Eph 5:28-30). I mean you are wounding your soul, because God has joined you and her as one (Matt 19:5-6, Mal 2:15 NLT). Soul wounds are more difficult to heal than physical bruises.
Such wounds often leave lasting consequences—spiritually, emotionally, and relationally, and it would hinder and frustrate you in ways you can't begin to comprehend. Just like the Newtonian law of cause and effect (i.e. the 3rd Law of Motion), everything one does has a spiritual recompense that may manifest immediately or much later (1 Tim 5:24-25, Gal 6:7-10).
So you need to ask yourself the question: is inflicting physical or verbal hurt on your wife worth it, when all of that is just going to boomerang to hurt you one way or the other? Is there actually any advantage to oppressing and intimidating your wife to have your way at her expense?
THE HEAD IS NOT SEPARATE FROM THE BODY - ABUSE AFFECTS THE WHOLE BODY
Indeed, you as the husband are the head of the home, but together with your wife you're one body, just as Jesus Christ is the Head, but also One Body with the Church (Eph 5:23, 4:11-16). This is a spiritual mystery as Paul said (Eph 5:31-32).
Just as the head needs the other parts of the body, you need your wife (1 Cor 12:21). And being that you're one body with your wife, you must understand that no part of the body is isolated from the pain of any part. The body shares in the pain and glory of any part (1 Cor 12:25-26).
So if you CHOOSE to inflict physical or verbal pain on your wife, that pain would find a way of coming back on you. But if you CHOOSE to love and better your wife, her glorification will bring you glory and honor (Prov 31:11, 23, 28-31).
Remember, subjugation is you trying to force her to submit, and this would be a violation of her will. God did NOT give you strength to rule your wife and children through fear or intimidation. That strength has been given to you to secure and provide a livelihood for your family. Use your strength as God intended—not as a weapon, but as a means of protection and provision.
CALL TO REPENTANCE FOR ABUSIVE HUSBANDS
If you are a professing believer and you abuse your wife, either physically or verbally (James 3:9-11), please recognize that your actions violate both Scripture and the Lordship of Jesus Christ, Whom you ought to submit to (1 Cor 11:3, Mal 2:16 AMPC).
So REPENT of this behavior, and ask the Holy Spirit to produce in you the Fruit of Love, Gentleness, Kindness, Forbearance and Self-control (Gal 5:22-23); and learn the Humility of Christ (Matt 11:29). And pray for your wife so that both of you can build a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship.
CALL TO REPENTANCE FOR ABUSIVE WIVES
We must also acknowledge that some wives physically or verbally abuse their husbands, the latter being quite common.
Verbally diminishing your husband whether out of anger, frustration, or as a joke is not right. This is part of the unwise behavior that will destroy your home. Many men avoid spending time with their wives for this very reason, choosing to instead hang out with their friends.
With their friends they find succour, humor, engagement and interest. But with their wives they face judgment and condemnation, disinterest, and contentious arguments about things that may not be so important.
Many women possess strong verbal expressiveness compared to men, and some may unfortunately misuse that strength, just as some husbands misuse their physical strength to abuse their wives.
So wives, you need to especially repent of being verbally abusive to your husbands, whether to his face or behind his back when “gisting” with friends or family.
Be friendly, cordial and respectful to your husband always, and cement a strong relationship with him. Make this a habit so that even when he isn't there you wouldn't say unkind things about him.
Finding out unkind things said by a loved one behind one's back can be quite hurtful and demoralizing (Prov 20:19, 26:20). But finding out that your loved one “had your back”, or spoke favorably on your behalf, can be very endearing and reinvigorating. So wives, faithfully love and respect your husband.
And also you'll find that as your relationship with Jesus Christ deepens, you'll grow a greater capacity to love your husband, despite his shortcomings. And this is because in loving Christ you learn to love others (1 John 4:19-21, *Col 3:12-14*, Eph 4:29-32), seeing that love is selfless and sacrificial (*1 John 3:16-18*, John 13:34-35).
WHY YOU NEED TO MARRY A COMMITTED BELIEVER WHO IS SUBMITTED TO JESUS CHRIST
This is another reason believers should marry fellow committed believers, who are FIRST submitted to Christ (Eph 5:22, 1 Cor 7:39, 2 Cor 6:14-16). As a result of both husband and wife being obedient to Jesus Christ, they would obey Scripture and be mutually submitted to each other and NOT self-centered (Eph 5:21, 1 Cor 13:4-7).
Accountability to Jesus Christ, means that when things are out of course, husband or wife can humbly take corrections from the Bible and realign themselves accordingly.
An unbeliever does not feel obligated to submit to the teachings and commands of Jesus Christ, hence it is most likely that they would choose to satisfy their self-interest, rather than mutually serving one another’s needs. In marriage, you're mutually responsible for each other, and to meet each other's needs (1 Cor 7:3-4, 33-34).
LEADERSHIP AS SERVICE
As I said, submission is not a bad thing or a sign of inferiority. Jesus Christ further demonstrated the concept of submission to His disciples in the form of servant-leadership.
He taught them that despite His status, He was among them as One Who serves, and He urged them to adopt that same attitude, unlike the attitude of the people of the world who use their authority as a means to subjugate, instead of serving others (Matt 20:25-28).
This is what I am emphasizing to husbands as well, that being the head of the home is a call to sacrificial service—not subjugation of those you've been given authority over. If you subjugate them, then you're no different from the people of the world who use their power and authority to oppress at every given opportunity.
That is not how God exercises His power or authority, and neither should we. And it is because God is NOT oppressive in the use of His Power and Authority that's why we Love Him and gravitate towards Him (*Job 37:23-24*).
CHRIST WASHING THE DISCIPLES’ FEET AND ITS CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE
Jesus Christ went on to demonstrate what He told His disciples about humility and service by washing their feet, and He encouraged them to humbly practice the same among each other (John 13:3-5, 12-17). In doing so, He redefined submission from a worldly concept into a spiritual principle.
In the worldly perspective, or culturally speaking in that time, when most travel was done on foot in dusty conditions, washing the feet of guests arriving at a home was customary and necessary; and it was typically a task assigned to servants or women within the household (1 Tim 5:9-10).
But Jesus Christ showed that this submissive act was not only left for the lowly or women to perform, but also that men who follow Him must embrace the same posture of humility and submission towards each other (John 13:12-17). So importantly, submission is a mutual call for both husband and wife (Eph 5:21, 33).
A WOMAN’S CAPACITY TO BUILD OR DESTROY
However, I believe there is an important reason Scripture specifically calls wives to submission, that is, apart from the fact that God has ordained the husband to be head of the home. I believe it is connected to the unique influence and capacity God has given women.
A woman has tremendous capacity either to build or to tear down her home, often regardless of the kind of husband she has (Prov 14:1).
EXAMPLES OF WOMEN WISELY BUILDING
With regards to building and preserving the home, for example, we see Abigail who was married to a foolish and wicked man, Nabal (1 Sam 25:14-17, 25). Yet Abigail’s wisdom calmed David’s anger, thereby saving the lives of everyone in the household—even the servants (1 Sam 25:23-35).
Another example is Esther, who through prayer, fasting, and tactful wisdom was able to counter the destructive influence of Haman, one of the king’s closest advisors (Esther 3:1-2, 5-15, 1 Cor 15:33); and then she saved her people, who were a minority, marked out for destruction (Esther 4:15-16, 5:1-8, 7:1-10, 8:1-17).
I can go on to highlight how Rebekah played a decisive role in Jacob receiving the blessing, because she discerned from God the destiny of her twin boys before they were born (Gen 25:21-23). There are so many examples of women demonstrating wisdom and establishing remarkable things irrespective of their husbands (Prov 31:10-31).
EXAMPLES OF WOMEN BEING DESTRUCTIVE
But on the other hand, a woman has the capacity to destroy a home regardless of how good or bad her husband is.
Solomon—the wisest man—who knew that wisdom came from the fear of God (Prov 1:1, 7, Ps 111:10), yet because of his love for his wives, he abandoned wisdom and foolishly worshipped idols (1 Kings 11:1-13, Neh 13:26).
Samson—the strongest man—was twice betrayed by the women he loved (Judges 14:1-3, 15-20, 16:4-21). A man that an entire nation could not capture or withstand (Judges 15:14-17, 20), was ultimately subdued because he yielded to relentless emotional pressure and manipulation (*Judges 16:16*).
So it doesn't matter how wise, rich, influential or strong a man is, if the woman he loves chooses a destructive path, he will be brought down.
Solomon penned down how frustrating it can be to live with a contentious woman (Prov 21:9, 19, 25:24); in fact elsewhere he describes it as being worse than death. This is the same man who said a living dog is better than a dead lion (Eccl 9:4); but now he is saying that a man living with a contentious woman is worse than death (Eccl 7:26). This comparison tells you how incredibly powerful a woman can be. That power can be either for good or evil, but the choice rests with her (Prov 14:1).
FINAL ENCOURAGEMENT
So again husband and wife are to be mutually submissive to each other. And this act of submission, or doing what is right, is independent of the actions of their spouse.
Meaning it is expected of each person to act rightly even if their husband or wife doesn't. Individually, each person should play their role for the overall success of the family.
Nevertheless, the flourishing of the home is greatly helped when the wife intentionally embraces Biblical wisdom and submission.
Husbands need this, but the capacity and wisdom to build the home largely revolves around the wife, if she so CHOOSES to embrace that wisdom (Prov 14:1, 31:10-31).
For prospective wives or married women, who can honestly look at their home and discern that work needs to be done to build it into something better, then humbly seek to obtain wisdom from God as it peculiarly applies to your home, and He will Graciously give you that wisdom (James 1:5, Heb 4:16).
No two marriages or homes are exactly alike, each one has its peculiarities. God knows your heart—and the hearts of your spouse and children (Ps 139:1-4, 13-18, 23, 1 Kings 8:39, Prov 15:11). So He is in the best position to guide and direct you on what will work best for your home.
Simply copying what worked for your parents or friends is not guaranteed to work for you, your spouse, and your children; it may lead to unrealistic expectations and frustration.
And even in raising your children, you must view each one as an individual and not assume that the mould that successfully shaped and worked for one, would be directly applicable to the other(s).
But with God-given wisdom, you will be better equipped, and stand a better chance of building your home successfully and stress-free.
To all wives and mothers: know this clearly—you are NOT inferior. Being submissive and helpful does NOT make you inferior to your male counterparts.
God has entrusted you with a unique capacity to nurture and build. God saw that man could not carry out his assignment on earth without help and companionship, so He sent you, the woman (Gen 2:18-24). And in the same way, you need a man.
The world was designed for men and women to function side by side, and enjoy companionship. Together husband and wife can enjoy life on earth, and accomplish that which they're both destined for (Eccl 9:9).
To all mothers and wives faithfully building strong, stable homes: thank you🙏. The ripples of your impact are not just limited to your home or communities, it spreads throughout the whole world. You will certainly be rewarded and NEVER forgotten.
God bless and Shalom.
Link for the Current Post: https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/THE_ROLE_OF_WOMEN/
For Free PDF Books 📚:
"Early Steps in Christianity" 📖: https://selar.com/EarlyStepsInChristianity
"The Biblical Festivals of God" 📖: https://selar.com/TheBiblicalFestivalsOfGod
For Paperback or Hardcover copies 📒📕:
"Early Steps in Christianity": https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GKW4H91N
"The Biblical Festivals of God": https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GKPP5N6J
Follow-up Post to the book, "The Biblical Festivals of God":
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Biblical_Ciphers_Part_One/
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/Biblical_Ciphers_Part_Two/
https://daniel-olatunji-publications.netlify.app/BIBLICAL_CIPHERS_AND_CODES-FULL_SERIES/
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